


Constant Still in Heart Abiding

by jesterlady



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alien Character(s), Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Big Bang Challenge, Canon Het Relationship, Childbirth, Episode Fix-it, Episode Related, Episode: s02e09 Secrets, F/M, Het, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Male-Female Friendship, Married Couple, Parasites, Possession, Reunions, Romance, Science Fiction, Season/Series 02, Sharing a Body, Team Dynamics, Unplanned Pregnancy, Wordcount: 30.000-50.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 01:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11910573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: Spinning off from the episode 2x9 Secrets, Daniel does manage to get Sha're through the Stargate back to the SGC.  They plan to get help from the Asgard on Cimmeria to extract the Goa'uld symbiote Amaunet from Sha're, all the while navigating the politics of the SGC and Amaunet's own determination to retain Sha're's body





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Art for Constant still in heart abiding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11915370) by [weaselett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weaselett/pseuds/weaselett). 



> Many thanks to my beta: punch_kicker15! All remaining errors are mine.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own SG-1 or the Stargate franchise. Some lines are from the show. The title is by CH Spurgeon.

Daniel Jackson was having an interesting day. Granted, that was more or less the norm for him lately. The last two years had seen him theorize the pyramids were landing platforms for aliens, get laughed out of the archeological community, go through a wormhole to another planet, meet and marry his wife in the same day, help kill an alien parasite masquerading as an Egyptian god, spend one year of wedded bliss on the other side of the galaxy, have his wife torn from him by a different alien parasite masquerading as an Egyptian god, and join a secret Air Force organization that regularly traveled to other planets.

Yes, interesting was a word that defined his life.

However, he hadn’t planned on today being that special, other than just being what day it was. He’d woken with a feeling of dread, the pressure of guilt he normally managed overwhelming. That morning was a year, an Abydos year, since he’d lost Sha’re and come back to Earth.

As he shaved and brushed his teeth he stopped to stare at his reflection in the mirror. The same face he looked at every day stared back at him. Nothing in that face suggested anything would be different today. He’d made a promise one year ago and he’d hoped so wildly that he would be able to fully keep that promise, but all he would be able to do was offer empty apologies.

He was going to go back to Abydos and tell Kasuf that Sha’re and Skaara were still lost and that Daniel had failed to save either of them. It was a heavy burden to bear and worse still because Kasuf would not understand things in the way Daniel could explain them. He would do his best, but he hated the part he was going to play in the day’s events.

He wasn’t going through the Stargate the same way he went through the Stargate on his other missions. Then he had his full team surrounding him, Jack, Sam, and Teal’c. Only Teal’c would be going with him and that, in and of itself, was strange, considering the role Teal’c had played in making the events of today necessary. Daniel had long ago forgiven him, but there would always be an association there and he wouldn’t be able to forget it.

He also would not be going to Abydos with the wild hope in his heart that just maybe he would be able to find Sha’re on the other side. Ever since he’d joined SG1, every time he stepped through the gate he could not keep himself from desperately hoping, even when it seemed completely unlikely. It was his number one reason for going through each wormhole. Today he had no expectation of finding Sha’re on Abydos; that was the very last place she would be.

The trip started off differently than he expected because Kasuf was acting very strangely and did not seem to even try to take in what Daniel was telling him about his children. Daniel exchanged looks with Teal’c but followed his father in law obediently, recalling the long trek from the gate to the city in the rock.

The first step outside of the temple caused him to pause as memories rushed to meet him. His life had forever been changed on this spot. The arid heat moved lazily through the air and Daniel brushed his hair back, wondering for the millionth time if he should cut it. They walked in silence steadily and Daniel was left alone with his thoughts and memories.

Abydos was a world that didn’t invite relaxation. It was warm, yes, but the heat was the kind that sapped energy and there was no relief from it, except in the deepest caves. There the heat and endless sand was replaced by damp and allergy attacks and Daniel had soon learned no relief was to be found there. No, the relief of this world was in the people.

The people who had welcomed him, taught him, learned so eagerly from him, made him one of their own, and given him the first home he could ever remember having. Traveling from place to place with his parents and then bouncing from foster home to foster home after they died had not left him with any concept of what a home was like. Yet, there had been no doubt in his mind that Abydos was his true home.

Sha’re was his true home. She was the only person he’d ever felt truly saw him as he was, even when he didn’t. Their upbringing and background and lingual differences didn’t seem to matter. Even when they fought, they understood each other perfectly. It had been unlike any interaction he’d ever had with another person. He might have desperately missed indoor plumbing and air conditioning and so many other things about Earth, but when he woke up every morning and remembered that she was lying next to him, it made everything worth it.

These days, waking up in the morning was like plunging back into a bad dream, one he had to wake up from and deal with before he could go about the business of living his life. Daniel didn’t like the reminder of what he had lost.

It was strange and felt wrong to be walking on this planet without Sha’re holding his hand, showing him the wonders of another world.

No matter the excitement of gate travel and the fulfillment he felt with his teammates and the daily fascinating discoveries he made, it didn’t compare to life with Sha’re.

What really made his day interesting was when he walked into Kasuf’s tent and discovered the very thing he had not expected to see, his wife. His wife as she was and not as a Goa’uld; moreover, extremely pregnant.

At first he couldn’t believe that it wasn’t the Goa’uld inside of her playing an evil game with Kasuf and now himself, but what she said soon convinced him that this was really Sha’re and not the evil thing that had taken her over.

What should have been a happy reunion was anything but. The surprise and the joy and the fear and the confusion all mingled together until Daniel didn’t know what to think. It took a stern lecture from Teal’c and one hug from Sha’re to put it all in to perspective for him. Teal’c’s main desire may have been to gain knowledge about the Goa’uld from Sha’re, but Daniel knew deep down that despite Teal’c’s consuming passion for seeing the downfall of the Goa’uld, he was also trying to help Daniel fulfill his own goal of restoring Sha’re.

For now, despite his guilt and disgust at what had been done to Sha’re, Daniel knew the facts of the matter were more important than his own feelings.

Apophis had taken his wife and made her give him a human child and, as a result, the Goa’uld Amaunet was sleeping and Sha’re was herself. It was a lot to process, but it soon became clear to Daniel that this was his only opportunity and he asked her to come back with him so he could help her become free, even if that meant she had to be locked up once Amaunet regained control of her body.

“I will come with you, my Dan’iel,” said Sha’re.

He could only hope the faith in him and resolution on her face was a promise he could keep.

When Daniel walked back to the gate with her, he felt hope again, only he didn’t know what to make of it. He’d never thought beyond the hope of finding her. There didn’t seem to be a path that wouldn’t involve pain and loss for them both. Daniel reached into his pocket of his robe and felt the letter he kept on him at all times, the one he’d fought to receive the very day he agreed to be a part of SG1. It was his only hope now that what lay ahead for them on Earth was better than a life in prison and tests for her and a constant fight against his own people for him. Daniel shoved the letter down and kept walking. Teal’c was a steady presence at his side and Sha’re’s trembling hand was held within his. At least he was once more walking on Abydos sand with Sha’re beside him.

They entered the gate room and there was a rumbling noise.

Sha’re shied away and spoke.

“Dan’iel, do you hear it?”

“Hear what? What's wrong?” he asked, turning to her.

Teal’c cocked his head toward the ceiling.

“A Goa'uld ship approaches,” he said.

Sha’re suddenly dropped Daniel’s hand and backed away from him.

“Sha're, what's wrong?” he asked, very afraid,

She didn’t answer and then her eyes glowed.

“My lord comes for me,” she said, her voice now the deeper timbre of a Goa’uld.

Teal’c activated his zat gun, but Daniel pushed it down.

“No,” he said. He approached Sha’re and held her face in his hands. “Sha're, fight this thing. You have to hold on, a little longer, please!”

“Dan’iel?” she said, slumping a little.

“It's okay. It's gone now,” he said. Sha’re called his name again, clutching her belly and sinking to the floor. “Teal'c! I think she just went into labor,” Daniel said in horror.

“The Goa'uld's return may have induced it,” said Teal’c, going to the DHD and beginning to dial while Sha’re continued to pant in pain. More rumbling began from outside. Dimly, behind him Daniel heard the kawoosh of the event horizon. “Daniel Jackson, we must leave now!” said Teal’c.

Daniel heard the sound of rings being activated behind him. He picked Sha’re up and ran toward the blue circle of the gate, Teal’c beside him. He went through, he went through with Sha’re, which was when his day got really interesting.


	2. Part One

Daniel forced himself to exhale properly against his natural instinct. His body was straining with the weight of Sha’re and his brain was busy analyzing how to explain everything on the other side. He didn’t think the SGC would be in any threat once the wormhole terminated. Sha’re had no Goa’uld technology and was busy trying to have a baby. Too busy with that for Amaunet to try to stage a coup of some kind.

Daniel stumbled as he entered the SGC and he knelt quickly to avoid dropping Sha’re onto the floor. Her eyes stared into his, wild and frightened.

“Dan’iel,” she pleaded, though what she wanted, he doubted even she knew.

Dimly he heard Teal’c shouting to close down the gate. The blue field winked out of existence behind him and Daniel felt only slight relief at the metal clanking of the iris. The truly hard part was yet to come. Sha’re gripped Daniel’s hand tightly and cried out in pain.

“What the hell is going on?” Daniel heard Jack ask.

Daniel glanced up and saw Jack, still dressed in his dress uniform, so only just back to the base then. Sam stood beside him, similarly attired, looking strained and upset. The rest of the soldiers in the gate room all had their weapons trained firmly on Daniel, Teal’c, and Sha’re.

“You may stand down your weapons, O’Neill,” said Teal’c calmly. “Daniel Jackson and I are not a threat. We have found Sha’re Jackson.”

“So that’s a good thing?” asked Jack, gaze going from Daniel to Teal’c. “Yay?”

“I need a doctor,” Daniel cried, as Sha’re cried out again. He didn’t have time to explain all of this to Jack, all he knew was that his wife was in pain and he had to help her. “She’s in labor.”

“Colonel, what’s going on down there?” came General Hammond’s voice over the intercom.

“I’d like to know myself, sir,” Jack said loudly, then gestured for the soldiers to lower their guns.

They did, but Daniel could tell every single one of them was ready to strike should anything untoward happen. Daniel didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Dan’iel,” said Sha’re, gripping his hand tightly. “The baby will come and she will be here. I will be lost again.”

“I know,” said Daniel, “but you have to focus on the baby now, okay? We’re going to get a doctor for you, right?” Daniel ended, glaring up at Jack.

“Janet’s on her way,” Sam said gently and Daniel spared her a quick nod.

“Thank you,” he said, turning back to Sha’re and speaking in Abydonian. “See, Janet. You don’t know her, but she’s the best doctor we have. You’ll like her and she’ll take care of you.”

“I am afraid,” said Sha’re.

“I know, I know,” he murmured, stroking her head. “I would be as well if I were you right now. Having a baby is-”

“No,” said Sha’re, interrupting him. “I am afraid of what comes afterward. Dan’iel, I will be lost again.”

“But you’re here with me,” said Daniel. “At least we’ve accomplished that, right? It’s better than yesterday.”

“But what of tomorrow?” asked Sha’re sadly, her face contorting in pain and she grunted. “I do not want to be her again.”

“I’ll find a way,” said Daniel recklessly. “I’ve seen a woman overcome her host. I know it’s possible.”

“How, how can it be done?” asked Sha’re.

“It was technology that got destroyed,” said Daniel. “But maybe the aliens who built it could help you, or maybe it’s rebuilt by now. I’ll try.”

“I will do anything, Dan’iel,” Sha’re said, pulling him closer to her. “Do you hear what I say? I will do anything to be free and risk anything to be with you again.”

“Me too,” said Daniel, overwhelmed by the strength of her tone.

“Promise me,” she said, “promise you will not give up, but you will make me free. Even if I die, make me free.”

Daniel couldn’t speak for a few seconds and he heard the clatter of a gurney coming into the gate room, Janet’s voice calling out orders, and Jack saying something or other, but Daniel could only focus on Sha’re’s face and the grip of her hand.

“I-I promise,” he said, feeling empty inside.

He’d made many promises and somehow he’d failed to keep all of them. He wondered if that was the case here, here when it mattered most.

Sha’re arched her back and cried in pain. Daniel felt hands urging him aside and he moved reluctantly, numbly. Orderlies placed Sha’re on the gurney and Daniel moved with it down the ramp.

“Dan’iel,” Sha’re cried out.

“I’m here,” he said, hoping she could hear him above all the noise.

“I love you, my Dan’iel,” she said and then screamed again.

“I love you,” he cried back desperately as he was elbowed out of the way and the gurney left the room.

He moved to follow it, but Jack stopped him with a tug on his arm, pointing wordlessly to where Hammond stood reflected in the control room above them.

“There’s nothing you can do for her right now,” said Jack as gently as Jack could speak.

Sam put her hand on Daniel’s shoulder in comfort while Teal’c stood stolidly by Daniel’s side. He felt the support of all three in that moment and was soothed if not completely comforted. 

“She needs to know I’m here,” said Daniel, shaking off Jack’s grip. “Amaunet could resurface at any moment once the baby comes. Sha’re doesn’t know Earth, she’ll be scared, she barely speaks English.” 

“Yeah, about that, I’m gonna need a few blanks filled in,” said Jack. “I leave and come back and there’s a baby coming in the gate room.”

“I will explain fully,” Teal’c said. “Daniel Jackson should be with his wife at this time of the coming of her child.”

“I don’t think Hammond’s buying it,” said Jack after another glance upward. “Come on, Daniel, the fastest way to Sha’re is by making your case to Hammond. I doubt even all four of us could fight our way out of here at the moment. I’m in dress blues, for heaven’s sake.”

Daniel hesitated, completely torn and unsure of what to do or how to react to what was happening. His plan before Sha’re went into labor was to try and communicate everything through Teal’c or a MALP or something that would be a bit less explosive than running through the Stargate with a woman in labor in his arms. Now, now everything was jumbled up and he was trying to keep up as best as he could.

Sam took her hand off his shoulder and smiled at him.

“We’ll back you up,” she promised, without even knowing what was happening.

“Indeed,” agreed Teal’c.

On the other hand, his team, his one support, was back with him. Daniel could handle a lot of things with them on his side and he trusted them to have his back. He half smiled and nodded.

“Let’s get it over with then,” he said and followed his teammates to the stairs.

***

Facing Hammond was a lot harder than Daniel had thought it would be. After all, this was the man who might represent all the bad things that could happen to Sha’re and himself. On the other hand, he was still the man whom Daniel had grown to admire, respect, and want to please. Everything Daniel wanted now would be going against that most likely.

“Colonel, what the hell just happened in my gate room?” asked Hammond.

Daniel could be wrong, but Hammond’s face might have been more red than usual.

“Sir, marvelous news,” said Jack, as if they’d all just come back from a preauthorized trip with technology in hand for Earth. “Daniel found Sha’re.”

“Yes, I can see that,” said Hammond. “Dr. Jackson, what happened on Abydos?”

Daniel crossed his arms around his middle as he tried to explain with the best words that he knew. Words were his medium and he attempted to use them as his weapon, if only to keep Sha’re safe.

“So Teal’c dialed the gate and we came back to the SGC,” he ended. “I know it’s a lot, but this is what I’ve been trying to do for an entire year. There is no threat here, just a woman who is scared and alone and about to have a baby. Whatever comes after that, we can deal with, but right now I’d like to go and be with my wife.”

Hammond shook his head and half-smiled at Daniel.

“First off, I’m glad you found her, son. But I must caution you that there may be more risk involved than you stopped to think about. She is carrying a Goa’uld, the mate of an alien desperately trying to defeat Earth, and even if he doesn’t know she’s here, you can bet he’ll probably find out.”

“All the more reason to get that thing out of her as soon as we possibly can,” said Daniel. “We should contact Cimmeria.”

“I think that’s a good idea, sir,” said Sam, somewhat hesitantly. “After all, we know they have technology that can remove a Goa’uld. “

“We don’t know if they’ll help us or can be contacted,” said Hammond. “Even if they do, from what you reported last time, it could kill her. Lastly, there’s the problem of Earth security, not only from her, but we don’t know anything about what this baby will be.”

“The child is innocent,” said Daniel loudly. “Should it be here? No, no it shouldn’t! The only child she should be forced to bear is one she chose!” He stumbled back from them and closed his eyes. “One who’s mine,” he whispered.

“Daniel,” Jack started, but Daniel cut him off by holding up his hand.

“The baby is simply another victim of Apophis’ sick greed,” he said slowly so he wouldn’t yell. “Now, are there still concerns and things to do? Of course. I suggest you prepare a containment room for when Sha’re finishes giving birth and Amaunet reemerges. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to spend every last second I can with my wife, even if she’s screaming in pain the whole time.”

Daniel turned and marched away, not bothering to look behind him. By the fact that Hammond didn’t issue orders to drag him back, he gathered he’d made his point. He felt badly, but since everything hurt right now, he didn’t mind offloading some of that pain on others. He’d feel enough guilt over it later, he knew.

***

Daniel hurried for the infirmary and long before he got there, he could hear noise. Rounding the corner, he burst into the room and saw Sha’re clawing at the nurses who were trying to hold her down. Janet was there, holding a syringe of some kind.

“Daniel, I’m only trying to help,” Janet said, not even looking up. “Could you please tell her that?”

Daniel’s breath eased as he realized this was only Sha’re being scared and not knowing what was happening. Birthing was different on Abydos. He crossed the room and gripped her hand.

“Relax,” he murmured to her in Abydonian. “It’s okay. I’m here and Janet is going to help you. Remember, I told you about Janet.”

Sha’re looked at him with wild, pain-filled eyes for a second and then her body went limp and she lay back on the bed. Janet and the nurses sprang into action and Daniel tried to keep out of the way as much as possible.

“Remind her to breathe,” Janet told him. “Without knowing anything about her history or genetics I’m not giving her an epidural, so I’m sorry but this is going to be only just a few steps above what it might have been where she came from.”

Daniel nodded without answering and concentrated on Sha’re, on her lips and face and the feel of her hand. She gripped his tightly and he relished the pain. He still couldn’t believe he was in the same room with her, let alone on the same planet.

Daniel wasn’t sure exactly how much time passed. Delivery times varied wildly, he knew, but that was about all he knew, apart from watching films, and it wasn’t like he’d spent the time analyzing how to help someone give birth. He was relieved beyond all things to have Janet there, even if after Sha’re was stabilized, the medical staff all retreated, popping back in around the curtain every little while to check on things. If he closed his eyes and ignored the many security guards by the door he could almost pretend that this was all normal, this was their baby, planned and longed for, and once it was born, they would all go home together, well and happy.

“Speak to me, my Dan’iel,” said Sha’re, after a contraction had left her lying weary on the bed. “I require your beautiful voice as a distraction.”

Daniel didn’t know what to say, he wasn’t about to start pouring out how much he’d missed her, how much he loved her, how he’d searched for her, how much he hated everything that was happening. Even if he might never get another opportunity, he wasn’t going to waste their time now saying all the things that would make him feel better.

Instead, he started telling her about his time with SG1, nothing too classified, of course, but the basics of their missions, his friendship with Sam, how much he’d grown to admire Teal’c, and what a great leader Jack was. He found himself being soothed and Sha’re herself seemed to enjoy the stories in between contractions, laughing when appropriate and murmuring consolations as needed. There were many other things he wanted to tell her, but it was all going to have to wait for a possible someday he prayed he could make happen.

His voice grew hoarse as he spoke on and on, but he didn’t stop as long as he could think of things to tell her. 

What was probably hours later, but felt like longer to Daniel, Janet reappeared and checked Sha’re’s dilation.

“It’s going to be soon,” she said. “You’re fully dilated and the contractions are coming very quickly. I hope you’re ready to be a mother.”

Sha’re actually smiled at that and Daniel felt something hurt inside of him. Neither of them were ready or in a good place to be parents. Yet that didn’t appear to matter to the universe.

Janet stepped aside, doing whatever it was doctors did to prepare for births, Daniel didn’t know.

“Almost over,” he assured Sha’re.

“Yes,” agreed Sha’re sadly. “What will you do, husband, while I sleep?”

“I will find a way to wake you up,” he answered, kissing her forehead.

“Yes, I know,” she said, “but I do not know how this can be accomplished.”

“Frankly, neither do I,” he said. “But I promised you I wouldn’t give up and I won’t.”

“This I know as well,” she said. “Really, it will be better for me to be restored so I can help you stop speaking what all can see already.”

He laughed slightly before Sha’re began having another contraction and Janet moved toward them again.

It was the last one as Janet called for Sha’re to push.

She shook her head and Daniel leaned closer.

“I’m here, now you have to push,” he said as Janet raised her eyebrows at him.

“The demon will come,” said Sha’re, crying.

“Listen to me,” he said firmly. “I love you. I will always love you and the Goa’uld will never be able to take that away from us. Now push.” 

She did, squeezing Daniel’s hand.

“We’re almost there,” said Janet, “I can see the head.”

Daniel found himself smiling almost in spite of himself. He had very mixed feelings about the child Sha’re was giving birth to, but somehow the moment of birth was joyfully contagious and he was anxious to meet whoever was about to enter the world.

The wait was over at last and Daniel found himself hearing the words Sha’re had a boy. He smiled and turned to look at her face as she smiled thankfully and tiredly.

“My Shifu,” she whispered.

“You did it, Sha’re,” Daniel said, reaching down to kiss her, watching Janet cut the umbilical cord with only a quarter of his attention.

“Forgive me,” Sha’re breathed.

Her eyes glowed and she glared impassively at him.

“Unhand your god,” said Amaunet.

Even though he had been prepared for it, Daniel couldn’t stop the wave of grief that swept over him. Sha’re was gone again.

***

Daniel moved sharply away from the bed as Amaunet moved, cat-like, onto all fours. Sha’re had a grace and poise all her own, but the Goa’uld inside her moved differently, more fluidly, and Daniel had the space in his head to marvel at the difference.

“Janet, is there a security team ready?” he asked calmly.

“They’re here,” said Janet. “I’m going to take the baby to safety, okay?”

“Give him to me!” demanded Amaunet.

Janet kept moving away and Daniel was glad. She had more common sense than most people he knew.

Several soldiers moved forward, and Daniel walked backwards himself.

“We’re just putting you in restraints for your own good,” he said, wondering if he was talking because he thought Sha’re could still hear him, or if he was only hoping she could.

“My lord and I will grind your body to ashes for this affront,” said Amaunet as the soldiers bound her wrists.

“Be careful,” said Daniel to the infirmary guard, supporting Amaunet. “Her host is weak from the childbirth whether or not the Goa’uld cares.”

“And there are still some important physical matters to be dealt with,” Janet said, reappearing. “Take her to isolation room four, it’s all set up and ready for her.”

“I should go, too,” said Daniel, but Janet stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“There’s nothing you can do,” she said gently. “Would you like to see the child?”

Suddenly Daniel did, wanted to see some hope, some piece of Sha’re that hadn’t been defiled, even if it was the result of a defilement.

Daniel went with Janet to a different section of the infirmary where a nurse was just finishing washing the baby and wrapping it up. 

Daniel held out his arms and the baby was placed in them. He stared down at the tiny face and couldn’t help smiling. The baby looked like a little Skaara, but he had Sha’re’s eyes and perhaps there was too much Apophis in the face structure, but Daniel didn’t focus on it. The baby began to squirm slightly and Daniel looked at the nurse a little helplessly.

“He’s looking for his mother,” she said. “We’ll do the best we can, but we’ll need to get him some nutrients right away.”

“Will Sha’re’s body still produce milk?” he asked.

“Possibly,” said Janet, looking thoughtful. “And even the Goa’uld will likely want to get rid of that unless they have some way of stopping the natural process.”

“He’s beautiful,” said Daniel, putting one finger on the baby’s soft cheek.

“He is,” said Janet. “What was that she called him?”

“Shifu,” said Daniel. “It means light.”

“That’s lovely,” said Janet. She paused and bit her lip. “Daniel, you know they’re going to want me to run tests.”

“Yes, but will they hurt him?” Daniel tightened his jaw.

“No, I wouldn’t do that,” said Janet. “I’ll let them know we need to wait until Shifu is stable, okay? And I’ll make sure to be as gentle as possible.”

“Thank you,” said Daniel around a lump in his throat. He was very tired of feeling right now. He handed Shifu back to the nurse almost reluctantly. “I should go and check on her.”

“I have a feeling what you should do is get some food and rest,” said Janet. “You still need your post-mission check as well.”

“Just, please,” said Daniel, “I need to make sure she’s okay, first.”

“I’ll go with you,” said Janet. “A nurse is getting her checked out, under restraints, I’m afraid. But we’ll get all the aftereffects of birth taken care of and then, I’ll let them know we need to give her some rest before any questioning, okay?”

Daniel didn’t answer but fell in step with Janet, who gave him sidelong looks as they walked down the corridors but didn’t say anything. He appreciated that. His voice was still hoarse from speaking with Sha’re for so long and he didn’t have any words that wouldn’t herald an avalanche of tears and frustration anyway.

They reached isolation room four and Daniel watched from the observation room as Janet and a nurse took care of their patient who was most unappreciative.

There was already a silent presence in the room and, naturally, it was Teal’c and Daniel joined him in that silence as they watched.

After Janet and the nurse were finished, they left and Amaunet began thrashing against her restraints in anger. Janet returned and inserted a sedative into the IV and Daniel watched Sha’re’s body sink into oblivion, wishing that meant she could return, but also grateful her body could rest.

Janet came in and administered the quick version of Daniel’s post-mission check and then told him she’d make him rest if he didn’t within the hour. He asked her if the sedatives would hurt Sha’re and Janet said she’d injected the mildest possible until she was able to do some more tests on Sha’re’s body and see what would be healthy.

A door creaked open behind him and Daniel didn’t have to look to know Jack and Sam had joined them in the room.

“Quite a little display you put on for Hammond,” Jack said casually.

“Yeah, sorry about getting emotional when my wife was in labor and all,” said Daniel.

“You don’t have to apologize to us or explain,” said Sam, who sounded much more tired than Daniel would have thought. He turned and looked closely at her. She smiled at him, a little sadly. “We know how important she is to you.”

“I know, I’m-I’m sorry,” he said, feeling a little ashamed now.

“Glad that’s all cleared up,” said Jack, rubbing his hands together. “Now, comes the hard part.”

“Which part would that be, O’Neill?” asked Teal’c.

“Keeping the greedy hands of Maybourne off our new friend,” said Jack. “You know Hammond had to report what happened.”

Daniel felt tendrils of anger rising again and he kept his focus on the almost peaceful looking form of Sha’re’s body.

“What did they say?” he asked.

“Well, they’re very interested in having a Goa’uld to study,” said Jack. “Methinks old Harry himself will be out here to try and worm her away.”

“Over my dead body,” said Daniel flatly.

“Yes, we all hope it will come to physical blows,” said Jack.

“This isn’t a game, Jack, it’s my wife,” said Daniel.

“You also know it’s the security of this planet, Daniel,” said Jack. “Don’t act like you don’t know the stakes.”

“This planet gave me nothing but a life that had no meaning until I met her,” Daniel whispered.

“I know you don’t really believe that,” said Jack.

Daniel sighed, because he didn’t, not really, but enough of it was true and he was very tired.

“We have time, Daniel,” said Sam. “I put in a call to Cimmeria already.”

“Thank you,” said Daniel, smiling at her sincerely. “You don’t look so good, was Washington that bad?”

Sam’s smile fell.

“Let’s just say I really would rather have been with you guys,” she said.

“Me too,” said Jack. “I prefer a good old fashioned kidnapping to extortion and murder; I’m just weird that way.”

“I do not understand your meaning,” said Teal’c, frowning.

Jack told them about the reporter he’d encountered in Washington who was now dead.

“That just proves my point,” said Daniel, turning again to looking at the room below them.

“What point?”

“That I don’t trust this planet,” said Daniel. “Not with her life.”

***

Daniel opened his eyes and blinked blearily. It was hard for him to tell where he was for a moment and then the pain in his neck jolted him to the reality that he’d fallen asleep at his desk again. It wasn’t at all unusual and he stretched, trying to pop some of his bones back in place. He found his glasses lying on the desk and put them on, wondering what project he’d been working on so hard that had caused him to stay so late on the base.

That was when the events of the day before came rushing back into his mind and he saw it all again, Sha’re, Shifu, Amaunet, Maybourne. Daniel glanced at the clock and ran out of his office and smack into the tall mass of Teal’c.

“Daniel Jackson, I was coming to awaken you,” said Teal’c. “You have missed breakfast.”

“Breakfast is not exactly my priority right now,” said Daniel. “Any news on Maybourne?”

“He will be here within the hour,” said Teal’c gravely. “I am not looking forward to the encounter.”

“What about Hammond?” asked Daniel a little wildly.

The night before he’d talked with his team until Janet came back and threatened him with a sedative if he didn’t get some rest. He’d eaten a quick meal in the commissary and finally changed out of his robes before heading back to his office after a stop in to the observation room to see that Amaunet was still sleeping and another to the infirmary to check on Shifu. Janet, true to her word, was keeping him safe and secure and Daniel’s worries were eased slightly.

He’d wanted to gather his thoughts so he could make his case to Hammond and Maybourne if necessary. He knew that his arguments would have to be very convincing to keep such a potential prize as Amaunet out of the Colonel’s hands. Teal’c had narrowly avoided that fate only by proving to be more useful as a part of the SGC than by being a lab rat in Area 51.

He’d also hoped hiding out in his office would help everyone to leave him alone and not want to either yell at him or make him go home. He’d worked for hours and must have fallen asleep sometime during the night.

Daniel ran his hands through his hair and tried to gather his scattered thoughts.

“He would like to meet with us in thirty minutes,” said Teal’c.

“I have to convince him to let me try and free Sha’re,” said Daniel, then paused. “Teal’c, uh, do you think I can?”

“I have never known you to back down when an object was in your sight,” replied Teal’c. “This is the right path.”

“What about gaining access to the genetic memory?” asked Daniel. “Didn’t you tell me on Abydos that was the most important thing of all?”

Teal’c raised an eyebrow in thought.

“It is now impossible to accomplish that goal without hurting Sha’re,” said Teal’c. “She is no longer in control and that was the advantage we had when you and I spoke on Abydos. Strategically, the best plan is to remove the Goa’uld from her so we once again have the advantage of her memories of the false god Amaunet.”

“Um, thanks,” said Daniel, feeling a little awkward and not knowing exactly why. Maybe he had been afraid Teal’c wouldn’t support him, maybe it was something else. Either way, he was glad Teal’c appeared to have the same thoughts Daniel did. “I appreciate it.”

“We are a team and united in purpose, are we not?” said Teal’c, raising his eyebrow in a completely different way.

Daniel smiled, despite his fears, and started walking.

“I guess so.”

Daniel led the way to the conference room above the Stargate and saw that Hammond was on the red phone in his office. The red phone meant one thing; the President was on the other side of the line. If that was the case, it meant Sha’re’s fate was being decided. Jack came out of the room and shut the door behind him.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you early to a briefing, Daniel. What, is the world ending already?”

“What’s going on, Jack?” asked Daniel, in no mood for any of Jack’s games.

“Hammond’s pitching your case,” said Jack. “That’s all he can do.”

Daniel didn’t feel better at that. He knew he was being completely emotional about this. If he was watching the events in play, he’d be inclined to slap himself, but he couldn’t seem to help it. Most of the time, he tried to keep a clear head, to see the bigger picture, but right now all he could seem to see was a bigger picture where Sha’re was lost forever and it petrified him.

“You know I can’t let them take her,” Daniel said in a low voice.

Sam entered the room and looked inquiringly at them all.

“Jumping the gun, aren’t we?” asked Jack, holding up his fingers to indicate a little bit.

“Come on,” said Daniel, waving his arms. “R&D won’t let this opportunity go and the President is bound by politics as much as by morality. I didn’t even get a chance to present my case.”

“General Hammond hasn’t made any decisions yet, Daniel,” said Sam. 

“It’s not him I’m worried about,” said Daniel.

“I know this is about Sha’re,” said Jack, “but you’re making me want to smack you around a little bit and that sounds exhausting.”

“This isn’t a joke!” Daniel snapped. He put his hand in his pocket and brought out his letter, thrusting it at them angrily. He turned his back and looked at the Stargate. “This letter promises me that when Sha’re is found, we’ll be able to get her help if it’s possible and that she won’t be treated as a prisoner except as necessary to keep a Goa’uld in check. It’s signed by the President himself and is the main reason I agreed to join SG1 in the first place. So why do we even have to go through this? How would any of you feel if it was your spouse in there?”

“When have any of us ever been anything but supportive of you?” asked Sam. “Look, I get family and I get loss and I also know sometimes there isn’t anything that can be done. Quick acting like you’re all alone in this.”

Daniel shut his mouth immediately and looked back at Sam. She had tears in her eyes, but he didn’t think they were for him or his situation and he forced himself to calm down. His apology died on his lips when he saw that the General’s door was open and he was listening to them. Daniel wrapped his arms around his middle as Hammond began to talk.

“Dr. Jackson, your letter was the first thing I brought up to the President,” said Hammond. “He agrees that it is valid and will give us the chance to extract the Goa’uld from your wife. However, she and the child are to remain in isolation until it is determined they are not a threat to this planet. I feel your pain, son, but I will not compromise the security of this facility, is that understood?”

“I, I won?” asked Daniel, somewhat confused.

“Parade for Daniel,” said Jack sarcastically.

“So, Maybourne isn’t going to take her?” asked Daniel.

Hammond shook his head.

“She will be safe here until you can ascertain if the Cimmerians can contact Thor’s people or you can find out if Thor’s Hammer is back in operation. However, Maybourne will remain on site as a second option.”

Daniel’s brow furrowed at that but he nodded.

“And the baby?” he asked.

“Dr. Fraiser will have to run some tests,” said Hammond. “But he’s going under the same protection and if he turns out to be human, we’ll have to figure something out for him.”

Daniel sighed and released his death grip on his anxiety.

“Thank you, sir,” he said. “I’m sorry for my outburst.”

“It’s more than understandable,” said Hammond, “but don’t make a habit of it, Dr. Jackson.”

Daniel gave him a tight lipped smile as Hammond went back into his office.

Daniel shuffled toward his team members and looked beyond them.

“Sorry to you as well,” he said. “I know you’re trying to help me and I’m being an ass, so, uh, sorry. Can’t promise I will be completely sane till this is over with though.”

“Apology accepted, Daniel Jackson,” said Teal’c.

“So you were sane before?” said Jack, thumping Daniel on the back.

Daniel rolled his eyes at Jack and turned to Sam.

“It’s okay, Daniel,” she said, but she still looked very sad.

He moved hesitantly and hugged her. She hugged him back and he whispered in her ear.

“Are you all right?”

“Later, okay?” she whispered back and Daniel moved backward, scanning her face.

She managed a genuine smile for him and he nodded.

“So, uh,” said Daniel. “I guess we try to meet Thor again.”

“Indeed,” replied Teal’c.

***

Daniel sat back in his chair, shifting his weight so as not to disturb the sleeping child in his arms. Shifu had apparently been very calm for the most part and Janet had seemed surprised. Daniel didn’t know enough about newborn behavior to know if that was worrisome or not, but he was grateful that since he’d been holding him, Shifu hadn’t started crying.

They’d been able to get some milk from Amaunet; her cold acquiescence had been unbearable for Daniel to watch. He was angry that Shifu and Sha’re were missing these moments together, that she couldn’t be holding him now. It was one more theft of Apophis.

In the meantime, Daniel was finally feeling somewhat at peace. They had gotten a message through to the Cimmerians and contact should come back soon. Once it did, they would suit up and head out and Daniel would feel like he was doing something. Until then he could at least be here and watch Sha’re’s body, if not Sha’re herself. Amaunet became quite violent when awake so there were restraints on the bed and drugs that would calm her but not overwhelm her. Janet said it was as tricky as treating Teal’c because his symbiote tended to metabolize drugs too quickly for them to be of much effect. It was the now the case with Sha’re. Daniel trusted Janet to do it as well as was physically possible and right now Sha’re looked peaceful.

Daniel only wished he felt as peaceful as she looked.

Jack came into the room and sat on the window ledge with his back to the room below.

“You know, you look good with a baby,” he said. “Natural.”

Daniel quirked his mouth up slightly.

“Certainly never expected to be holding one like this,” he admitted.

“No, I don’t suppose so,” Jack answered. “What’s the kid’s name again?”

“Shifu,” answered Daniel. “It means light.”

“Wonder where she came up with that?” asked Jack idly.

“I don’t know,” said Daniel, “she certainly never mentioned it before.”

“There was baby talk on Abydos, I take it?” Jack leaned forward with sudden interest.

“Well, yeah,” said Daniel. “I mean, I was planning on spending the rest of my life there and family is a very natural part of life on Abydos. There also isn’t much, uh, birth control.” Jack laughed and Daniel glared at him. “Well, there isn’t.”

“Of course there isn’t, Daniel,” said Jack. “I met these people same time as you, remember?”

“Vividly,” said Daniel.

“So what were these baby plans?” asked Jack.

“Nothing too specific,” said Daniel. “I thought about maybe naming a girl after our mothers, but we didn’t really discuss boy names.”

“Always be prepared,” admonished Jack.

“I don’t think I’m actually prepared for anything,” said Daniel. “I mean, how could we have prepared for any of this? The Stargate, Abydos, Apophis, it’s all so…”

“Alien?” supplied Jack dryly.

“I guess that is the only right word,” said Daniel, sighing. “I just don’t know what to do, Jack.”

“That’s a first and I may have to get my camera,” said Jack.

Daniel didn’t mind Jack’s banter so much now as he had earlier when he’d blown up at Jack. It was how Jack was and it more often than not distracted Daniel enough from the pain of a problem to be able to properly figure out the solution. He appreciated that about Jack more than he could say.

“Even if I do get Sha’re back,” said Daniel, “what happens next?”

“You’ll figure it out together,” said Jack. “That’s what married people are supposed to do, I’m told.”

Daniel winced, Jack hadn’t spoken with bitterness, but there would always be an old wound where Jack’s family was concerned. If anything, Jack could understand losing a family.

“Thanks,” said Daniel. “I’m still sorry about before.”

“I’m still forgiving you,” said Jack. “Let’s check back in an hour to see if that’s changed.”

Daniel rolled his eyes.

“Is Maybourne still trying to convince General Hammond to let him take Sha’re?”

“Yeah, last I saw Maybourne was pretty much resorting to red-faced begging on the floor while Hammond flew circles around him.”

“That’s good to hear,” said Daniel.

Harry Maybourne had indeed shown up about half an hour after Hammond had informed Daniel that they would try to save Sha’re. He’d been weaselly and unapologetically gleeful about trying to take Daniel’s wife and Sam had quickly taken Daniel’s hand and marched him out of the room and made him take a nap. It had felt good and Daniel had been surprised by well he slept and how calm he felt about letting Hammond handle it. He hadn’t slept long though and he’d gravitated toward the observation room where Janet had been gracious enough to bring him Shifu.

“The old routine of R&D saving the planet when really we do all the work is getting a bit old,” said Jack. “I think the President thinks so as well, but we’re not out of the woods.”

“No, we still have to save her,” said Daniel emphatically.

“Even if we do,” said Jack casually, “I doubt they’re going to want to just let you both head back to Abydos and be civilian parents.”

Daniel looked up, startled. Like he said, he didn’t really know what he wanted after this was over, but he hadn’t really thought about the strategic value Sha’re would still have, even though Teal’c ‘s remarks probably should prompted thoughts of that sort.

“You think they’ll want her to stay here and tell them about the Goa’uld,” he said.

“Well, maybe. It all depends on what she knows, about the kid and what he’s made of, and just how much of a political rift this makes,” said Jack.

“I literally hate Earth right now,” said Daniel.

“Naw, you’re just saying it,” said Jack. “Besides, maybe you don’t want to go back; maybe you’d like to stay on Earth.”

“Jack, you know I love this,” said Daniel. “But it will all depend on Sha’re. She’s…she’s everything.”

“I know, Daniel,” said Jack quietly. “I was there when you two met and I could see it then and I saw it again when I went back to Abydos. I’ll support you no matter what, it’s just, uh, well, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to stick around here.”

“I’ll take it under advisement,” said Daniel, smiling.

Jack nodded and held out his arms.

“Now, let’s see if Shifu wants more experienced arms to hold him.”

“Do you want to go to Uncle Jack?” asked Daniel to Shifu, shooting Jack a teasing look.

Jack snorted but held Shifu for a few moments, declaring he was the glowing image of his Uncle Skaara, and then gave him back to Daniel.

“He’ll be a good kid,” said Jack. “A blessing.”

“Maybe,” said Daniel.

Jack shook his head.

“Hey, I know he’s a surprise and not exactly what you might have purchased in a store window, but don’t throw away a gift because of the giver, however…accidentally the…gift was received.”

Jack looked slightly confused by the picture he was painting and Daniel laughed before turning serious again.

“I’m trying,” said Daniel. “I just…it’s not how I wanted this.”

“None of us are where we wanted originally,” said Jack. “But this isn’t so bad, right?”

“No,” said Daniel. “Not all of it.”

Jack jerked his head at the door and stood up.

“Make sure you get some rest, Daniel,” said Jack. “We got big days ahead of us.”

“This is restful,” said Daniel, though he was honestly thinking he should probably try to brush up on his Ancient Norse before their trip.

“No studying,” said Jack, pointing his finger sternly. “I know that look.”

Daniel just stared at him until Jack glared and left.

Daniel settled back, more content than before. He stared at Shifu for a moment, pondering again how to feel about the boy.

He would always be protective of anything that came from Sha’re, but there was wounded pride and hurt and guilt and anger all mixed up with that protectiveness. He was sick to his stomach sometimes when he thought about Apophis even touching Sha’re. He couldn’t blame her at all, especially not after what he’d gone through with Hathor, though he dreaded the day he was going to have to tell her about that.

What if everyone’s fears were right and this child turned out to be a product of Goa’uld treachery and greed? What if he was somehow evil? What if he rejected Sha’re and Daniel and anything they tried to teach him? Daniel’s thoughts could reach a high level of paranoia on a good day and he was certainly stretching his limits. 

If Daniel could save Sha’re and there were no problems with Earth and everything turned out okay, what then? Could Daniel raise a child that had been spawned by Apophis and would remind him of that every time Daniel looked at him? Would he ever be able to feel anything for this child other than fear and guilt? Would it change the way Daniel felt about Sha’re? Would it change the way she felt about him?

There were too many possibilities and most of them far-fetched at best. Daniel mused that irrational fears weren’t known for their base in logic. He couldn’t let this part of the puzzle conquer him and he’d come too far to find Sha’re to let something like this destroy their chances at happiness.

No, they’d both been pawns of the Goa’uld, as was this child, and though Daniel still couldn’t stop the irrational feelings of hurt and maybe he’d always feel that way, he made a solemn promise to himself right then that Shifu would never ever know that.

He tentatively put his hand to Shifu’s and the boy reflexively curled his tiny fist around Daniel’s finger. Daniel caught a breath in his throat and choked up slightly. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Shifu’s forehead. No, Shifu would never be made to feel like he was anything other than Daniel’s own son.

***

Daniel folded his arms as Jack, Sam, and Teal’c entered the room where Amaunet was coldly awaiting SG1. The Goa’uld within his wife sat regally even though she was strapped to a medical bed and regarded them with an insolent indifference.

Janet had finally decreed Sha’re’s body to be well enough to allow for an interrogation. Daniel didn’t like the idea at all, but Hammond had insisted. It was one concession to be made to the demands of the Maybourne and the President had ordered it before any attempt was made at removing the Goa’uld.

Daniel glanced up at the observation room where Hammond and Maybourne were watching. Hammond looked calm and concerned whereas Maybourne looked anxious and anticipatory. He shot Daniel a slight smile when he noticed Daniel watching him.

Daniel turned back to the main room in disgust. Maybourne was a greedy fool whose thirst for power was matched only by his cunning. Daniel wouldn’t trust him, couldn’t even if he wanted to. He may be protecting Earth, he may not, but he always had something up his sleeve. The first time Daniel had met Maybourne he’d been trying to relocate and basically imprison alien refugees that SG1 had rescued from a dying planet, simply because they’d been more technologically advanced. They had managed to earn the Tolan their freedom by getting the Nox to come and rescue them, but Maybourne had not been happy and Daniel was positive that this was Maybourne’s personal revenge against Daniel.

Nobody said anything for quite a long time. Daniel had been allowed to be present if he promised to remain impartial, but he was beginning to doubt he’d have anything to get angry about since nobody was doing anything. Jack appeared to be perfectly content to rock back and forth slightly on the balls of his feet with his hands in his pockets while Sam stood at attention at his side. Teal’c remained slightly in the background, but still an impressive figure, with his arms behind his back and his face impassive. Amaunet appeared determined not to speak as well. She certainly sat for a long time like she wasn’t even aware they were there.

Daniel thought he was going to break from the monotony first but instead Amaunet spoke.

“If you have something to say to your god, then say it and be gone.”

“See now, that’s the part I can’t agree with,” said Jack, “the god part. I mean, you know we know you’re not gods, why the pretense, why the get up?”

“Your definition of god is small,” said Amaunet. “It matters not.”

“Well, I may not have the biggest vocabulary in the world,” said Jack, placing his hand on his chest, “but these two,” he pointed to Daniel and Sam, “well, they assure me your definition is the one cracked.”

“As I said, it matters not,” said Amaunet. “What is it you wish?”

“Well, for starters, some information about Apophis and his plans would be lovely,” said Jack.

“If you think I would betray my lord, then your species is even lower than I had imagined,” said Amaunet.

“Probably,” said Jack, “but at least we stay in our own bodies.”

“I grow tired of this insolence,” said Amaunet, her eyes glowing.

“Golly, I just knew I was going to accomplish something today,” said Jack. “Listen, you’re stuck here; you might as well tell us what we want to know. We’ve got your kid and your baby daddy doesn’t know where you are.”

Amaunet began to struggle at the mention of Shifu.

“The child is mine and you have no right to him,” she said.

“Actually, out of all the people involved in that deed,” said Jack, “pretty sure it wasn’t you contributing.”

“He is of my blood,” said Amaunet. “You will release him to me.”

“The child is no longer your concern,” said Teal’c, moving forward. “But you must remain here. Your fate is in your hands, I suggest you deal wisely with it.”

“I have no incentive, shol’va,” said Amaunet. “You do not have the wits to give me my desires and thus I have no desire to give you yours.”

“Do you desire to live?” asked Daniel.

Amaunet turned her gaze upon him and smiled slowly.

“It is you, after all, who wishes this body to live,” she said. 

“If you die here,” said Daniel, “there is nowhere for you to run. You will be lost and all your precious memories with you.”

“We shall see,” said Amaunet, “but I have more faith in my lord than that. He shall find me and all of you shall perish painfully.”

“Naw, I’ll pass,” said Jack and walked out of the room, Sam right along behind him.

Daniel was slightly startled, but then again, it was Jack. He followed but Teal’c remained, staring at Amaunet who gradually looked away, though she looked uncomfortable under his gaze.

Daniel followed Jack and Sam to the observation room.

“What was that?” asked Maybourne the minute they came in. “Do you call that an interrogation?”

“I respectfully call that proving you’re incapable of making decisions,” said Jack.

“Colonel O’Neill,” growled Maybourne, but Hammond interrupted him.

“Enough. We all agreed it was unlikely she would give us any information without some incentive. We’re going to work on giving her some because like it or not, I will not turn my base into a torture chamber.”

“You’re making a mistake,” said Maybourne. “I promise you, I’ll be taking this to my superiors.”

“Well, it’s mine to make,” answered Hammond and turned to Daniel. “Dr. Jackson, I understand from Dr. Fraiser she’ll be running her tests soon on the child.”

“I believe so, yes,” answered Daniel. 

“It may be it will give us some information to help coax more out of the Goa’uld,” said Hammond. “In the meantime, we’ve received the go ahead to send SG1 to Cimmeria. Now is the time to see what we can do on that front.”

“Thank you,” said Daniel.

“Suit up,” said Hammond. “You depart in twenty, SG1.”

Daniel looked anxiously at Maybourne as they left, Teal’c joining them as they headed to the locker room to get their gear ready. He really didn’t like the idea of leaving the base with Maybourne prowling around.

“We can make contact for you,” said Jack, noting the look. “You can stay here.”

“No,” said Daniel, shaking his head. “I’m your best bet if we actually make contact with Thor or one of his people.”

“Don’t worry, Daniel,” reassured Sam, “General Hammond will keep Sha’re and Shifu safe while we’re gone.”

“I believe Janet Fraiser would become as you would say, a maternal bear, if any harm were to come to one of her patients,” said Teal’c.

Sam gave a short laugh and Daniel even smiled. Yes, Janet would be fiercely protective of those in her care and the General had already put a lot on the line for him. It would be okay. 

***

“Chevron five encoded,” said Harriman from above Daniel in the control room.

Daniel adjusted the straps of his P-90 and shifted his weight anxiously back and forth. They were finally on their way to Cimmeria and he was anxious to get going. He was going to do something for Sha’re other than staring helplessly at her strapped down body.

The event horizon soon washed over the gate room and left a blue reflection shimmering on the walls.

“Good luck, SG1,” said Hammond from the control room.

Jack slipped his cap on and adjusted the rim.

“Let’s go, boys and girls…girl.”

Sam stepped forward immediately.

“Lead the way, sir,” she said, her tone one of extreme tolerance. 

Daniel bit back a smile and followed his teammates into the wormhole.

The familiar sensation of compression and cold accompanied him, but he no longer felt afraid and sadly he also no longer felt wonder. It was simply normal, a routine.

They emerged on the other side and Daniel spotted the familiar obelisk in front of the ring, the portal to Thor’s Hammer. One of the reasons they had sent a MALP to make contact with the people of Cimmeria was to ensure that Thor’s Hammer was indeed back in place and had been altered as promised to no longer mark Teal’c as a threat.

The last time they had been on Cimmeria Heru’ur had been terrorizing the people after SG1 had destroyed their main means of protection in order to save Teal’c. It was a terrible situation; the once peaceful world had been ravaged and many people, including Kendra, the one who had given Daniel hope that Sha’re could eventually be saved, had been killed. They had managed to contact Thor, someone who more closely resembled the fabled aliens of Roswell than a mighty Norse warrior, who had sent a spaceship, called by the locals Thor’s Chariot, which had destroyed the Goa’uld invaders. Heru’ur himself had escaped, but Thor had promised to leave a representative of his people behind in order to help the Cimmerians put their lives back together.

It hadn’t been that long but it looked like a lot of reconstruction had happened. It probably helped that the Norse descendants were more in tune with a simple way of life, not needing too many structures or the creature comforts many people on Earth desired.

The lush green hills and far off mountains were a breathtaking sight, but Daniel was more interested in the woman waiting to greet them. She stood alone amidst the busy figures in the distance, working in the fields beyond the Stargate.

“Greetings, my friends,” she said, inclining her head.

Her attire was also simple, but she wore a sword at her side and a small head ornament, marking her as leader.

“Hello, Gairwyn,” said Daniel, smiling. “Are you well?”

“We are much improved since last you were here,” she said. “I am well. And you?”

“I’m…I’m,” said Daniel, suddenly at a loss for words.

“We’re fine,” said Jack, cutting in. “I know we simply asked if it was okay if we drop by, but we actually have a pretty big favor to ask.”

“You wish contact with Thor and the Asgard, I imagine,” said Gairwyn knowingly.

“Yes,” said Sam. “We have an interesting problem and we think they could help.”

“Is the representative of Thor still on this planet?” asked Teal’c.

“Yes,” admitted Gairwyn. “I do not know if this is wise, however. They do not want us to grow too quickly and overreach ourselves.”

“I found my wife,” said Daniel intensely. “Gairwyn, I found her and I need their help to free her.”

“I am glad for you, Daniel,” said Gairwyn. “This is most blessed news. I fear Thor’s Hammer is the only way I know.”

“If they can do it without making her go through that,” began Daniel. “It’s killed others; I don’t want to risk that if I don’t have to.”

“I understand,” said Gairwyn. She turned and beckoned for them to follow. “Come, I shall take you to the village and there we will find Balder.”

“That’s Thor’s representative?” asked Daniel, suddenly filled with hope.

“Yes,” said Gairwyn. “When Thor’s Chariot disappeared to ride the skies once more, Balder appeared to us and though he bore the guise the gods have long borne, I have since seen him in the form like to the one Thor showed the day of our deliverance.”

“Who’s Balder, and I mean the short version,” said Jack sideways to Daniel.

Sam and Teal’c exchanged amused glances as Daniel huffed a sigh, though he was too excited to mind Jack’s words.

“Balder is the son of Odin and Frigg,” said Daniel, “god of light, beauty, joy…reconciliation,” he said with a slight catch in his voice. “He is said to be the best of all gods and everyone loves him. He was supposed to be invincible until Loki tricked another god into killing him and it’s said he’ll rise again after Ragnorak.”

“That was the short version?” said Jack.

“I’d be happy to fill in the details for you,” said Daniel. “Right now I’m going to focus on saving Sha’re.”

“Don’t let me stop you,” said Jack.

They hiked for a short distance before buildings became visible in the distance. Gairwyn told them of the rebuilding and the emissaries sent to their brothers and sisters who lived far off, telling them of Thor’s return and his message. Evidently it had united Cimmeria more than they had been for many years. Daniel was very glad that the unintentional destruction they’d brought to this world had also brought peace and prosperity.

When they got to the town Gairwyn brought them to a larger building than the rest and ushered them inside.

“It is the Hall of Meeting,” she said. “Such little comfort we can offer travelers will be found here. Please, rest and refresh yourselves. I shall go to summon Balder. He is often traveling, spreading the goodwill of the gods, but he is always available to our call. It may be some time, so please do not think it unusual if I do not return right away.”

“We are very happy he will see us when he can,” said Daniel, nodding respectfully to her.

She returned his nod and left.

“Nice digs,” said Jack, unbending enough to place his gun at his side instead of stubbornly holding on to it.

Sam was busy splashing her face with the cold water of a water pedestal seemingly designed for that purpose.

Teal’c was eying the food on tables that lined the walls.

“Do you think they put all of this out here for us once they knew we were coming?” asked Sam.

“I’m sure they did,” said Daniel absently. He’d moved forward, pushing his hat backward to hang from his neck so he could better inspect the carvings on the pillars along the edges of the room. “This is fascinating,” he murmured.

The way the Cimmerians were able to capture the spirit of the same Norse legends Daniel had studied diligently was amazing.

Sam wandered over to where Daniel was looking and pushed a plate of food in front of him. Daniel took something and put it into his mouth without really looking at it. It was surprisingly good and he looked at Sam to thank her.

His thanks died on his lips as he saw how far away her thoughts seemed to be and he remembered how sad she had been the day before.

“Is it later yet?” he asked quietly, returning his attention to the walls.

“What?” asked Sam and then apparently remembered. “Oh, um, yes, it is.”

“Technically,” he said lightly.

“It’s nothing we need to talk about now,” said Sam. “There’s a lot going on.”

“Nothing but waiting,” Daniel pointed out. “I know I’ve been somewhat single minded lately, but I’m happy to listen if you need to unload anything off your chest.”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind letting someone else know,” said Sam, leaning against the wall and sliding down it.

Daniel sat next to her, focusing his attention on the food so as not to make her feel uncomfortable.

“I’m here,” he said simply.

“When we were in Washington my dad was there,” said Sam. Daniel was surprised, Sam didn’t talk about her family much, but the impression he got was that the relationship was somewhat strained. “He came for the ceremony and he kept trying to push me into this astronaut thing and I couldn’t tell him why Deep Space Telemetry was so much better than piloting rockets.”

“No, I suppose not,” said Daniel.

“But he wouldn’t let up and he acted so disappointed,” said Sam quietly. “But then he told me, he told me he had cancer.”

“Oh, Sam,” said Daniel sympathetically.

“It’s not good,” said Sam. “I hated the way he told me, I hated what I couldn’t tell him, I hated that it’s happening at all, and I hate the way we left it.”

She quickly summarized the rest of the events, including the drama of the killed reporter that Daniel had already been briefed regarding.

“That just…sucks,” said Daniel.

Sam huffed a laugh, but he could tell she was very close to breaking down. He wasn’t sure what to say, he couldn’t say it made his problems with Sha’re and Shifu small, but it was a needed perspective that his weren’t the only problems in the world. He put his hand out, a simple gesture, and Sam took it.

“Thanks,” she said.

“I’m really sorry, Sam,” he said. “If I can do anything, please let me know, okay?”

“I will,” said Sam. “Unfortunately, I don’t think any of us can actually do anything.”

“Cancer doesn’t exactly negotiate,” said Daniel slowly.

“No,” said Sam. “But it can be very illuminating. I’m just going over everything we said to each other. Everything we’ve ever said to each other. I don’t…I don’t want it to end like this and I don’t want to regret not trying to fix it. So let’s just say that I’m very committed to making sure you don’t lose someone like I have to.”

“You’re an amazing person,” said Daniel, a little bit in awe. “You know that, right?”

“I hope so,” said Sam.

He squeezed her hand gently and then let go, ignoring the looks Jack was sending them.

“When we get back, you should go and see him,” said Daniel. “I’ve watched a lot of people get pulled away from me and it’s…it’s worth it to try and at least say goodbye.”

“I know,” said Sam. “I just don’t know if he’ll let me. He was…so disappointed and the worst thing is that if he could only know…I think, well, I think he’d be really proud.”

“I don’t doubt it,” said Daniel. “Maybe you can tell him. I mean, if he’s not going to be around, what kind of security risk can he be?”

“There is that,” said Sam, but she didn’t sound hopeful.

Sam was military, through and through, despite how excited she was over science and exploration. Daniel knew she took the oaths she had taken seriously. He could respect that, but he believed first and foremost in humanity and in what could be achieved by an individual. Sometimes the things she and Jack believed were foreign to him. The very fact that they were here with him and supporting him amazed him.

“Don’t give up hope,” said Daniel. “Look at me, I’ve found what was lost, now I just have to save it.”

He had to believe that himself. Sam gave him a watery smile and he returned it.

***

It was an hour before Gairwyn returned and she brought with her a device that she set up on the table beside the door. SG1 gathered around it and then she concentrated before pressing a few buttons on the side.

“I am still not used to such things,” she said almost apologetically, “but I am learning.”

“You seem to have it down just fine,” said Sam.

Daniel watched a holographic figure pop up from the device, it seemed much more life-like than the one he’d seen in the caves the last time he was here.

“Greetings, friends of the Asgard,” boomed the tall figure of the warrior before he glanced down at himself and held up a finger. “One moment.” The appearance dissolved into that of the likeness of Thor’s race. “I apologize, but sometimes that façade is still necessary.”

“If you got it, flaunt it,” said Jack, but somewhat quietly for Jack.

Daniel concentrated on Balder.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with us,” he said and introduced each member of the team. “Has Gairwyn explained our situation to you?”

Balder shook his head.

“I know only that you are friends from the planet Earth, who have helped the people here, and are no friend to the Goa’uld. I believe one of you may have personal reasons to dislike their cruelty and dominance in this galaxy.”

“My wife,” said Daniel, “she was taken by a Goa’uld. I’ve been searching for her and now she’s with me once again, but still infected with the parasite. Since we know you have technology like Thor’s hammer, I was hoping that your people had a way to safely remove the parasite from her.”

“All are welcome to Thor’s Hammer should they desire freedom,” said Balder, but without making it sound like there was no other way.

“But it is extremely dangerous for the innocent host, is it not?” persisted Daniel. “Surely your people know of better ways?”

“I would not underestimate the value of will power and the need to buy back one’s own freedom,” said Balder. “I understand your hesitance and desire for your wife’s safety, however. I do not know if I can help you.”

“Well, do you have the capability or not?” asked Jack.

Daniel had to restrain himself from shooting a glare at Jack. It wouldn’t have done any good anyway.

“We do have this capability,” said Balder, “but it would require approval from my people and while that I could obtain relatively quickly, if they approved, it would also require a journey of some distance for you and your wife. We do not have such things with us when we travel.”

“I’m willing to go anywhere,” said Daniel.

“But the President might not be,” said Sam. “We’re on thin enough ice as it is with him.”

“Especially with Colonel Maybourne being a snitch on us,” said Teal’c solemnly.

Jack let out a snort.

“They’re right, I’m afraid,” he said to Daniel. “I doubt a long journey is in your future.”

“Approval from both of our people may be hard to procure,” said Balder. “We are…sworn to protect this galaxy, but we also have certain limitations put upon us against direct interference.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Jack.

“I’m afraid I cannot disclose that,” said Balder. “I am sorry if this news disappoints you. I will be glad to relay your message and advocate for your wife’s freedom.”

“I appreciate it,” said Daniel, forcing a smile. This was not the news he’d hoped for, but then again, it rarely was. Unbidden in his mind rose the image of Sha’re, eyes flashing with resolution, her grip hurting him with its tightness, saying she would do anything to be free. “At least there is still Thor’s Hammer.”

“It is not as unhappy a choice as it may seem,” said Balder. “Those enslaved by the Goa’uld often need to be their own victor in order to truly seek happiness once the Goa’uld is gone.”

“Great,” said Daniel quietly.

“We thank you for your assistance,” said Teal’c, bowing slightly to Balder.

“I am working busily with the restoration of Cimmeria,” said Balder, “but my ears are ever open for your call. Gairwyn can contact me should you ever need help or should you decide to pursue a formal request with the Asgard.”

“We’ll have to take it up with the higher ups back home,” said Jack. “But thanks. We’ll do lunch or something the next time we’re in the area.”

“Goodbye for now,” said Balder and then his image flickered out.

Daniel let out a sigh. Jack put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it briefly.

“You still have an answer,” he said.

“But will Maybourne risk his precious prize dying before he gets his hands on it?” muttered Daniel.

“Maybe he just needs some reassurance,” said Jack, smiling a shark-toothed smile.

Daniel smiled.

“Now that I wouldn’t mind seeing,” he said and turned to Gairwyn. “Thank you for your hospitality. I believe the next time we’ll be back, I will have Sha’re with me.”

“I shall be grateful for the opportunity to meet your wife,” said Gairwyn. “Are you refreshed? Do you wish to rest before making the journey home?”

“No, we’d better get back,” said Jack. 

“There’s a lot to do,” put in Sam.

“As you wish,” said Gairwyn. “Let us make our way.”

Daniel and the team followed her out of the building and back into the green valleys that led to the Stargate. Daniel spent most of his time deep in thought and the others let him be, clearly sensing his need to process.

It wasn’t exactly that Daniel was afraid of Sha’re going through Thor’s Hammer and failing. He had great faith in her strength and resolve and he planned to be beside her every step of the way. What he was afraid of was him putting her in another position to be harmed, failing his wife yet again. There was the possibility she may die and he didn’t want to face that. He didn’t want her last moments to be shrouded in pain and agony. He didn’t want to live a life that didn’t at least have the hope of her being out there somewhere. Was he being selfish? Well, naturally he couldn’t help but look at the entire thing from his point of view. Yet, he didn’t forget the promise he’d made her and he’d live up to that promise or die trying and he meant that literally. It just didn’t help that along the way he’d have to watch her suffer. Still, there was hope, some kind of future, even if it involved struggling with his own people. He could do that if it meant Sha’re would no longer be invaded and taken over.

In the meantime, he was grateful he had a clear path ahead of him. He would fight to let her endure the trial and when it was over would spend every minute helping her get through the trauma so that they could build a new life together, wherever they chose.


	3. Part Two

Sha’re was dark and cold and small. It was no surprise but she did not like the sensation. She didn’t recall feeling this way before, the first time she had been possessed by the demon Amaunet. That had been a blank nothing, a heavy weight smothering her so much she had no memory or recollection. Yet, upon waking and finding herself with child, suddenly on Abydos and with her father, with Apophis threatening harm on them both if she were to leave, she had found herself often pausing, recalling things that she should not have known.

Her time on Abydos had been long. Her father had welcomed her back, informing her sadly of Skaara’s being taken, which she had already known and then remembered as he said it to her. He told her of Daniel’s departure to find them and his desire that the chappa’ai be buried to protect Abydos from further invasion. This, they had done and so had been protected, until Apophis had brought his ship down, bringing Sha’re for safekeeping back to her home.

It was very easy to settle back into a life with her people, but she was never entirely at ease. How could she be when the child within her kept growing and the knowledge that she would be taken again was gnawing at the back of her mind always? She did not have Daniel there to comfort her or to be her strength or her joy. It did make her feel glad to know he was searching for her, but she worried over what unknown dangers he might find himself facing. Some dark part of her mind whispered that perhaps he would give up or would be killed before he found her again. Yet, the knowledge he planned to return to Abydos soon gave her comfort. Still, he would find her here, swollen with the child of another man, fresh from atrocities committed by her body.

The memories were vague and all too clear, coming at random moments, hitting with a ferocity that often stopped her actions, overwhelming her. She could see herself doing many things she was horrified at the thought of, seeing her reject Daniel, seeing her kill, seeing Skaara’s face transformed into a cold cruelty, so many other things. She was grateful the memories were not constant or she would have spent every day huddled into a ball under the weight of them.

She concentrated instead on her father and her friends and the child within her. She had not remembered that event, for which she was grateful, but she often found herself placing a hand on her belly in wonder at the movement of the child and a fondness for it grew within her as it did. It became harder to do daily duties and sometimes when she slept it appeared as if the smothering darkness was coming to reclaim her and she moved restlessly, almost afraid to sleep for fear it would not be her that awoke. Sometimes she could not keep from crying in the darkness and it was then that she most missed Daniel’s reassuring voice. She did not have anyone else to speak to of this pain. Her father and her people did not understand what had happened to her and she was too ashamed of what she had done to try and explain. They only thought she was returned to them. They did not know of Apophis and his threats. They only knew the continued deliverance from Ra.

The more time she spent on Abydos, the more she found her memories growing stronger and staying with her. She did not really want this, for she would rather not remember what she had done. However, it was almost a relief to not have to fear something new suddenly sweeping over her with the intensity of its evil. She did not have to fear this if the evil was with her all of the time. Such a choice to have to make within herself.

As the day grew nearer when Daniel was supposed to return Sha’re found herself anxious, worried again over the child and what it would cause Daniel to feel. She also feared she would have the child before he was able to return and how crushing a sorrow it would be to have been so close to seeing him and then be taken again. 

The day her father went to what Daniel called the Stargate, Sha’re waited, preparing a meal almost absently, desperately afraid and hopeful.

How her heart leaped when she saw her husband, but his eyes were not pleased to see her and she did not know how to deal with that pain. True, he thought she was still possessed by the Goa’uld, playing a cruel trick to hurt him, but that did not stop the pain he brought her by his anger. She could not help but feel that he had forgotten their life together as surely as Amaunet had made her forget. He would not want her any longer now that Apophis had marked her as his own.

She said as much to her father and to the stranger Teal’c when Daniel had left the tent.

“Dan’iel no longer loves me,” she said sadly.

Blessed oblivion by the Goa’uld was almost looked for, yet her desire for freedom, awakened within her by meeting Daniel and Jack, could not be so locked down.

Hope was given to her by Teal’c’s words and then by Daniel himself as he spoke gently and kindly and clutched her to himself. She was still worried, still fearful, but she had resolve and she agreed to return with him to his world and risk anything to be free.

The baby began to come before they could go through the chappa’ai and the pain, though long expected, was still surprising. Daniel kept her grounded through it and Sha’re found herself thrusting aside the desires of the demon sleeping inside to hold on to the moment and escape Apophis who was even now coming for her. The pain was great and varying in length and Sha’re soon found herself in a great metal room, many men and women such as she had seen when Jack and Daniel first delivered her people, pointing guns at them.

Daniel reassured her, telling her of a woman named Janet who would help with the pain, telling her of the hope of being freed from the Goa’uld. Pain made Sha’re desperate, but the desire and the words she said then had been building within her for many months. She would be free or she would die and at least she would know that this child was in Daniel’s care and not with Apophis.

But Daniel disappeared from her and she was left with many white-clothed people and a woman with dark hair. She panicked, her English, though much improved after a year with Daniel, almost non-existent amongst the pain and fear. She fought against them, somehow imagining them about to harm her child. Then Daniel appeared again, holding her hand and she calmed, feeling better once the pain subsided and the woman, the Janet he had spoken of, ministered to her.

They had time together then, her and Daniel; and he spoke to her of his life since they were parted. She could sense he was not telling her all and she did not mind this, what she needed was to hear his voice and know he was real. She could now feel his real love for her again and the worries from before seemed pointless. There was much that might tear them apart but his love for her was real. 

She could see the people he knew through his stories and she smiled more warmly at Janet when next she came to check on her. These people had taken care of her husband while he searched for her and she would forever be grateful to them and wished to know them for herself. 

The pain began to come more quickly and with greater intensity and Sha’re’s fears began to grow again, not the same fears as before, but she found herself wishing she could hold back the moment and delay the return of Amaunet.

Yet, it could not be delayed forever and she heard words, her pain-riddled head understanding them to mean she had a boy. A strong son was a gift and she suddenly knew beyond the shadow of a doubt what he was to be.

The name was not Abydonian or of Earth except that she had heard Daniel speaking of it when telling her of the myths and legends of his world. The name was Shifu, a bearer of light, and this is what she meant for her son, no matter how he had come to be.

But that was perhaps the last good act she would ever do for she felt the smothering darkness return and she breathed out a request for forgiveness before she felt herself shrinking, not into oblivion, but to dark cold.

***

Gradually awareness came to Sha’re, yet something was wrong. She was frozen, bound by a force she could not discern. This was not what she was expecting. She had been free so recently, had been reunited with her husband and her child. Fear sparked though her as she remembered being overtaken for the second time. Why was she not in the oblivion she had expected? Why could she not move?

She attempted to focus, concentrating on being able to see. Her eyes were open, but they did not feel like her own. White light was above her, strange metal structures crisscrossed on the roof. Unbidden, her eyes closed and Sha’re was in blackness. It felt like sleep was upon her, but removed from her by some other presence. Sha’re did not know what that meant, but she attempted to force her way past the desire to rest, so she could think of her situation and know it better.

Surely the Goa’uld was still with her, pressing her under, yet this was not as it had been before. Perhaps something had changed due to the length of time the Goa’uld had slept? Perhaps the Tau’ri, maybe at Daniel’s insistence, had something to do with it? She could not know until she saw light again.

Sha’re drifted, attempting to rest without giving up what sentience she had. It was difficult to know the passage of time, but she was sure it was much later when there was light again. Sha’re narrowed her focus and saw dimly above her, the same metal, but this time she could sense movement around her and see shapes in her side vision. Something suddenly felt pressed against her and she was frightened. The white-clad doctor, Janet, was attaching a strange device to Sha’re’s chest. It took Sha’re many moments but she became gradually aware of her body and the words being said harshly from her own mouth. The device was sucking at Sha’re’s breast and she wondered at such a thing, but gradually she felt the milk of her breasts being released from her. She realized this must be for the baby, what an amazing device the Tau’ri had invented! She felt brief sadness that she could not nurse Shifu herself, but she did not let it consume her.

It was tiring to try and focus and Sha’re let herself drift for the moment and when next she could recall anything other than her own thoughts, she was still lying in the same room, but there was more clarity to her mind. 

She tried to smile when Daniel entered the room, but she could not, for the demon was in control and was not pleased to see Sha’re’s husband. Jack was there as well and Teal’c and a woman that Sha’re thought must be Sam Carter, Daniel’s friend and teammate.

There were no words for long moments as Sha’re struggled, yearning to say anything, to let Daniel know that she was still there. She did not know how to make this happen, but she focused all of her power on doing so. For a moment she thought she had succeeded as her vision appeared to be her own and she felt all her own limbs clearly, but it was quickly stricken from her.

A harsh consciousness Sha’re vaguely recognized clamped down on Sha’re’s attempts and ruthlessly swept them away. There was sharp pain and a sense of outraged fury that bore down on Sha’re’s mind and she shrunk away from it, seeking for a way out. There was a final swipe of anger and then Sha’re was allowed to escape. She cowered within herself, afraid and exhausted.

She missed whatever Amaunet said with her words and the replies Jack made to her. It was not until Daniel spoke that Sha’re could focus on listening again. Yet, there was something strengthening about hearing his voice and she recovered enough to be an observer. He was very sad, she realized, and, while that did not make her happy, she was still glad to know it. He would keep his promise to save her and she would make sure he returned to find her waiting. She did not dare such a direct assault upon the demon oppressing her again, no, Sha’re would find another way.

She watched Daniel leave the room and whispered words that made no sound in the void of her body.

“Next time, my husband.”

***

Janet moved into the room where Sha’re slept. At least her body appeared to sleep. Sha’re believed that the demon had found a way to avoid sleep even though the doctors appeared to think that her body was unconscious, or at least not be as susceptible to whatever they did through the strange clear tubes connecting machines to her.

In a way Sha’re was grateful to Amaunet because the demon was taking the worst of whatever medicine Sha’re’s body endured. It was Sha’re’s belief that was so anyway, and this allowed her more freedom than she would have otherwise had, trapped inside her own body. While Amaunet fought the Tau’ri’s medications and restraints, Sha’re was free to explore and listen, albeit through some handicaps. As her body was not her own, she could not focus her hearing or her eyes on what she wanted to know, and sometimes it felt like a great weariness or darkness like a veil of sand hung between her and understanding what was happening outside of her body.

This moment Sha’re knew it was Janet in the room because she had memorized the sound of her voice and her unique footsteps on the hard floor. Amaunet remained staunchly blind, but Sha’re focused so she could hear whatever news might be heard.

“Any news on SG1, sir?” asked Janet, her voice pointed at the door.

“Not yet. How’s our patient?” asked a new voice and Sha’re thought hard before she realized this was the General Hammond Daniel had spoken of as being in charge of this place.

“Developing immunities left and right,” said Janet wearily. “I’ve never had to try and medicate a symbiote this long before and I fear I’m at the end of my knowledge.”

“Your best is all we can ask, Dr. Fraiser,” said General Hammond kindly. “None of us are exactly in normal terrain here.”

“Right,” agreed Janet. “Was there anything I could help you with, sir?”

“Yes, I actually came down to get your report on the boy.”

Sha’re honed in on the words, a ping of excitement ringing through her. She felt the pricking of awareness on the edge of herself and realized Amaunet might have felt Sha’re’s emotions. Sha’re quickly quieted as much as she was able, wanting to know so desperately herself, but also not daring to give Amaunet anything else to use against her.

“Of course,” said Janet. “Do you want me to come to your office? Is…Colonel Maybourne still in there?”

“He haunts the place,” said General Hammond dryly. “I actually came to escape if I’m being honest. Is it all right if you tell me here? She is asleep, isn’t she?”

“As far as I can tell,” said Janet. 

Sha’re cast her own probing thoughts above her as carefully as she dared and tried to know what was happening within herself. After a few moments during which she thought to herself how odd her life had become, she became convinced Amaunet was indeed as fully asleep as possible, though diligently working on attempting to overcome whatever drug she had been given.

“Then do you have your results?” asked General Hammond.

“I do, sir,” said Janet and there was the sound of rustling paper. “I’ve run every test I know how to run and a few that I never learned in medical school. I’m waiting for a few results to come back, but I feel fairly confident in confirming that’s a normal human child.”

Sha’re carefully did not feel as exuberant as she wanted to feel. Oh, how she had feared that because of what Apophis had designed the boy to be, he would have done something to Sha’re that she did not know and it would change her child.

“No special powers, no alien DNA?” asked General Hammond.

“There’s nothing but human DNA,” said Janet. “Granted, it’s coming from human parents that are far removed from ourselves, but while he may technically be an alien, genetically he’s human, not Goa’uld. I also can’t detect any viruses or unknown compounds or anomalies. After what we went through with Cassie I wouldn’t put it past the Goa’uld, but Shifu appears to be clean.”

“I’m relieved to hear it,” said General Hammond. “That’s one more point I can use with the President. I didn’t want to have to tell Dr. Jackson anything else either.”

“No,” said Janet with a slight chuckle, “poor Daniel’s been a bit overwrought.”

Sha’re didn’t like to hear that but she didn’t doubt it.

“He’s always been…passionate,” said General Hammond, “but this kind of single minded fury is something I confess I hadn’t expected.”

“She’s his wife,” said Janet like that explained everything. “When family is involved, all bets go out the window, General.”

“I guess so,” said General Hammond. “Thank you, Doctor. When can I expect your full report?”

“I believe it should be ready to go by 01600,” said Janet. “I admit I’ve put off a few things trying to focus on my patient here.”

“I appreciate the work ethic, Dr. Fraiser,” said General Hammond, “but I don’t want my CMO losing her judgment from exhaustion either.”

“Point taken, sir,” said Janet. “I will get the report to you and go home and try to get some shuteye. I just wanted to get those last test results.”

“It’s all good news,” said General Hammond. “If SG1 can find a way to extract the Goa’uld from her and the baby is human, then Maybourne gets his sample to study and Dr. Jackson can focus on getting his life back, everybody wins.”

“What about SG1?” asked Janet, a slight catch in her voice. “I mean, with everything Daniel knows and does and with the potential of Sha’re’s knowledge of the Goa’uld, aren’t you worried about that?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” said General Hammond. “Besides, I don’t even know if they’ll want to return to Abydos, maybe they’ll want to stay here. If so, I see no problem giving Sha’re the same benefits and privileges Teal’c has. It may take her some time to acclimate, but I would hope she’d want to give us any weapons we can get against the Goa’uld.”

Yes, Sha’re wanted to say, yes. She would fight against these monsters with every breath. As long as she was with Daniel and Shifu was safe, she did not care where she was. These people were good and kind and strong and though she did not know if all of them could be trusted, that would be something she would…cross the bridge for later.

“I admit I would prefer if Daniel stayed with the SGC,” said Janet. “I’m pretty sure I’d miss him and I know Cassie would.”

“I might even a bit myself,” said General Hammond. “I doubt anything around here would be the same without him. Funny how those four just…”

“Sometimes feel like the center of your entire world?” suggested Janet.

“Something like that,” said General Hammond. “Anyway, I better go or Maybourne will try and track me down and I don’t want him anywhere near here. I’ll look for your report, but try to get some rest.”

“Yes, sir,” said Janet. “It might do you some good as well,” she called louder and Sha’re heard it along with the echoing sound of footsteps moving away.

Soon Janet left the room as well and Sha’re could feel Amaunet becoming more and more aware.

In the meantime, Sha’re was happy to slip back into the quiet recesses of herself and hide to absorb the happy news she had received. It was a small victory but an important one, she felt. If Shifu did not have anything within him to make the Tau’ri afraid, then Daniel would be able to protect him. Even though they had not talked about it, Sha’re knew Daniel would do everything in his power for Shifu. It was in the way he’d looked at her when Shifu was born. Sha’re held on to that memory because it was the last time she had looked at him as fully herself.

She had no doubt Daniel felt fear and doubt and anger about Shifu’s existence and entrance into their lives. Sha’re did herself, but she did not think those emotions he felt were being directed at her or at Shifu. At first she had felt that when he had reacted so badly upon seeing her, but as she had had more time to process the horrors, she would give him the time she had needed. Indeed, he had overcome his pain well and she was proud of him and now nursed the quiet hope that one day they might be a family and Shifu would be viewed as their son, however he had come into this world.

This was all possible more now than ever because Shifu was not harboring a weapon meant to hurt Daniel’s people and was simply the flesh of two beings.

It gave Sha’re more courage to listen and learn and wait for her opportunities.

***

Sha’re became aware when suddenly a hand clasped hers and she felt it numbly through her dimmed senses. Sha’re explored the bounds of her consciousness and discovered Amaunet fully awake and completely at her ease, yet Sha’re’s eyes remained stubbornly closed. Sha’re became afraid then and wondered just what Amaunet was planning. Sha’re remained as close to the surface of herself as she dared and listened with all her might.

She smiled to hear Daniel’s voice and she imagined she could fully feel her hand in his and see his beautiful face close to hers.

“I doubt you can hear me,” Daniel mumbled in Abydonian. “I doubt I should be saying this at all, but I just had to tell you. We found a way, Sha’re. It’s not perfect and there’s a chance it could all go wrong, but we found a way. We’re going to take you to Cimmeria.”

Sha’re felt stirrings of surprise and fear in Amaunet once the word Cimmeria was mentioned and wondered what that could mean. This was the device Daniel had told her of, surely. Had the Goa’uld known of it all along? Sha’re could not be sure how much Amaunet would understand Daniel’s words to her in her own tongue, but Sha’re was fairly certain Amaunet would understand more than Daniel might want her to. 

“You have to be strong,” Daniel continued. “Thor’s Hammer is dangerous, but I know you can do it. You can do it and then we’ll be together again. You’ll be free. You’ll finally be free.”

Yes, it was what Sha’re longed for, but she was anxious about Amaunet’s reaction, and fervently wished, not for the first time, that her husband would stop talking. His words were lengthy and beautiful at the best of times, but perhaps he would say something Amaunet would twist to hurt both of them.

“Shifu’s fine,” said Daniel. “I, uh, saw him before I came in here. Janet says he’s perfectly normal and healthy. So we’re gonna get you two back together, okay? I just wanted you to know, so now I’ll shut up. We’re leaving as soon as possible. I gotta read this report first, just to prepare, so I’ll be with you again when it’s time. Then we’ll never be parted again in life.”

Daniel squeezed her hand gently and moved away but Sha’re sensed he did not leave the room. As if by magic, Amaunet granted Sha’re’s desires by a quick opening and closing of her eyes, which showed him standing with his back to her, concentration caught by some papers in his hand.

To her horror, Sha’re felt her hand loose and free. Cautiously it worked to release her other hand. Sha’re did not know how Amaunet had accomplished the initial release, though it must have been implemented in excruciatingly small increments. Sha’re’s body moved with a fluid grace, quiet and secretive. Sha’re felt herself rise from the bed, her every moment exaggerated and smooth, her focus bearing upon Daniel’s unsuspecting back. Sha’re felt extreme terror in her mind and she did not know what to do. She had to do something; this was not how this story would end.

A chair was next to the bed upon which Daniel must have been sitting. Amaunet grasped it with Sha’re’s hands and moved forward with stealth. Sha’re cast her strength and her focus on one thing, but withheld it until the last possible second. She did not know what she could do, but she knew it must happen and she must time it perfectly when Amaunet would not have time to stop her. Sha’re did not care how hard escape into herself would be. Daniel must be protected at all costs.

Amaunet raised the chair and Sha’re excuted her moment.

“My husband,” she said with her own voice. “Watch out.”

Daniel froze and then turned. Amaunet lurched toward him with fury and he twisted out of the way of the oncoming chair with a skill Sha’re had not known he possessed. 

“Security,” he yelled.

Two armed guards rushed into the room and pointed weapons at Sha’re.

“Are you all right, sir?” asked one of them to Daniel.

Amaunet had dropped the chair to her side, but Sha’re felt her fingers twitching and her mind considering.

“I’m fine, don’t shoot,” said Daniel sharply. “Just, just get her back in the bed, okay?”

“What the hell’s going on in here?” asked Jack, strolling casually into the room.

Sha’re saw he was alert, scanning everything quickly.

“It was Sha’re,” said Daniel huskily, staring at her almost hungrily and all Sha’re wanted was to be able to return the look.

Sha’re’s arms were pinned to her sides and she was taken to the bed and restrained. Daniel and Jack moved with her.

“What do you mean, Sha’re?” asked Jack.

“I mean actually Sha’re,” said Daniel. “Amaunet was going to kill me. If she hadn’t called out…”

“Daniel, sometimes I wonder how many times I’m going to have to ask you to make sense,” said Jack.

“Just…just wait,” said Daniel, holding up his hand. He ran his other hand through his hair. “Thank you,” he said to the guards. “You can go now.”

“Really?” asked Jack, but gave a quick jerk of his head, whereupon the guards left.

Daniel moved to stand over Sha’re.

“Sha’re?” he asked hopefully.

She wished to answer him but she was fleeing from Amaunet’s mental presence. Sharp lashes of pain whipped at her and she shrank back from them. The fury and outrage was overwhelming. Sha’re had known that revealing her active presence would be punished, but dark was reaching out for her, trying to overtake her, and she didn’t think she would be able to run. Her time exploring her own mind had been most productive, but she was not strong enough or fast enough to overcome the demon who had crushed mortal after mortal for thousands of years.

“Nevermore,” Amaunet said haughtily. “Now I know of your plan to kill me and instead I shall kill her and all the rest of you.”

“How?” asked Jack.

Amaunet smiled but said nothing. Sha’re did not think she truly had a plan, but was instead terrified enough to risk everything by trying to kill Daniel. In the meantime, her anger at being interrupted was making Sha’re wish she could cry out in pain, begging someone to help her.

Nowhere she fled was any refuge for her, trapped as she was. But she must escape, she must escape to survive to fight and win the next round. With desperation, Sha’re shrank down so quiet and small and so unobtrusive and submissive that Amaunet’s groping probes of pain could not find her. The fury was still strong and the watchfulness doubled, but Sha’re felt something of relief. She would hide and survive.

Daniel’s face standing over her, concerned, was all she saw, but Amaunet’s cruel words were all she heard.

“She has paid for her folly and now I have extinguished her.”

Daniel’s face flashed with agony and then he pushed up his glasses and turned to walk away.

“We’ll see about that,” he called over his shoulder.

“Sorry, he’s not good with the manners,” said Jack. “Excuse us, won’t you?” Jack turned to follow. “Daniel, kindly slow down and explain yourself.”

Sha’re felt again Amaunet’s renewed search for her and shrank back, letting the darkness swallow her, allowing herself just one small sliver of hope.

***

There was bright light in front of Sha’re’s eyes and she watched through Amaunet’s vision as the flood of light poured into the room from the chappa’ai. Sha’re stood, her arms bound, between two armed guards, behind her stood a room full of more guards with guns. Ahead of her stood Daniel and his team, also heavily armed. She did not like seeing Daniel with guns, he was not suited to them, though she could see he had adapted to knowledge of their use.

Amaunet was furiously seething and striking out with every possible opportunity. Sha’re dared not be even slightly aware but for short periods of time.

Daniel and Jack were whispering furiously and Sha’re wondered what it was about. Something to do with her clearly. 

“SG1, you have a go,” came the words of General Hammond from above them.

Amaunet turned her face as much as it could turn and Sha’re saw the General through the glass. A man dressed similarly stood beside him, a sour look upon his face, yet it was calculating. Sha’re did not like it and concurred this must be the Colonel Maybourne that everyone appeared to dislike so much. 

Amaunet also appeared to dislike him and turned back haughtily to the chappa’ai.

“At last we leave this impoverished hole,” she said.

“Yeah, you’re gonna like it up top a lot better,” said Jack, walking back to stand beside her.

Daniel, Sam, and Teal’c also walked back and the two guards flanking Amaunet and Sha’re withdrew. Daniel reached his hand over and took Sha’re’s hand and though Amaunet attempted to withdraw it icily, the binds upon their hands would not let her.

“You have to go through with us touching you,” said Daniel. “You might as well accept it.”

“But believe us, we’re not happy about it either,” said Jack, putting his hand on Sha’re’s elbow on the other side.

Sha’re did not know why this was necessary, but she prepared herself to go through the chappa’ai, making herself smaller.

“We’ll be waiting on the other side, sir,” said Sam to Jack.

“Thank you, Carter,” said Jack. “Teal’c.”

“Good fortune, Daniel Jackson,” said Teal’c, inclining his head. “I wish you and Sha’re Jackson all success.”

“You’re going to be okay,” said Sam, addressing both Daniel and Sha’re, though she put a friendly arm on Daniel’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, yeah, let’s get going,” said Jack.

“I can’t wait for you to meet her,” said Daniel to Teal’c and Sam.

Sha’re also could not wait.

“You will regret this,” was all Amaunet said as Daniel and Jack began to march her toward the glittering blue circle.

Sam and Teal’c disappeared ahead of them.

“I’m good at that,” said Jack.

They disappeared into the chappa’ai and Sha’re did not know how to feel or what to think before she was emerging on the other side. Amaunet was already struggling, attempting to break free of Jack and Daniel’s grip, but Sha’re concentrated on the gray sky and green ground and cold stone ahead of her. She had only the littlest of glimpses before a strange blue beam erupted in front of her from the stone and she was swept away. Amaunet was frantically looking all around her and Sha’re saw dark and cold stone like the caves beneath the Abydonian hills. It was not comfortable, but it was more familiar than the green up above.

Now, she hoped, now she would win her freedom.

***

“Well, now what?” asked Jack after everyone had been standing around for a few moments.

“Uh, I really don’t know,” said Daniel. “I kind of only got this far in my planning and some hazy wish fulfillment about afterwards.”

“I have heard tale of this place,” said Amaunet, some of the panic rolling off of her after the initial assessment. “Whatever it is you wish for me to do, you will not get your wish. Only death awaits the Goa’uld who come here, or so they say.”

“It’s not really you we’re counting on,” said Jack. “Besides, lucky us, Gairwyn confirmed there aren’t any evil snakes locked up in here but you.” 

“Yet, there were rumors,” said Amaunet, twirling to look into the dark passages and Sha’re felt some feelings of foreboding. 

“Rumors?” asked Daniel.

“This planet was protected, but not always,” said Amaunet. “My lord Apophis and I heard interesting things about the Tau’ri and their constant interference.”

Sha’re would have rolled her eyes if she still had control of them. Amaunet must be bluffing her confidence because even if she had heard of this planet before, if what Daniel said was true, the Goa’uld were still in danger when they came to it and anything Amaunet would have heard would be old news considering how long they had been on Abydos before coming to Earth.

“I think your link to the gossip grapevine must be down,” said Jack.

A bright light appeared from behind them and when Amaunet turned, Sha’re saw the vision of a great and tall man, carrying a hammer and dressed in armor. He appeared to address them.

“I am Thor, supreme commander of the Asgard fleet. The high council of Asgard has designated Cimmeria a safe world for developing sentient species, by unanimous decree 40.73.29. The Goa'uld system lords were so informed. You were warned not to come here, under pain of death. For the crimes against the living host, and all those you have murdered and enslaved, the sentence is death. This is your prison. Your technology will not function here. There are no luxuries, no worshippers, no slaves to do your bidding...only basic sustenance and time.”

Jack shrugged dismissively.

“I guess the Asgard don’t believe in changing their voicemail. It hasn’t changed since last time.”

“When you tire of this existence,” continued the vision of Thor, “go to the Hall of Mjolnir, and face the Hammer. There is no escape. Only the host can leave this place alive.”

Sha’re felt a thrill she could not hide escape her. This place truly was her salvation. 

Amaunet however felt a true rage and Sha’re could feel it building.

“This is base treachery,” said Amaunet, whirling to face Jack and Daniel. “I will not submit to this.”

“You don’t have a choice,” said Jack, pointing his gun at her. “Now, move it.”

“You will not harm this body or you would not have gone to such great lengths to bring me here,” said Amaunet.

“Well, you’re right about that,” said Jack. “How about we deal with that, huh, Daniel?”

Daniel stepped forward almost apologetically and Amaunet raised her hand seemingly reflexively. She felt a pang of loss and Sha’re wondered what it was Amaunet had forgotten she no longer had. Perhaps the ornaments that graced the hands of all Goa’uld she had encountered. Then Sha’re remembered, the vicious glee and surge of power that came from the hand devices. Though she did not have the inherent knowledge Amaunet appeared to have, Sha’re knew all too well what life as a Goa’uld was like. She swallowed her feelings of sickness and watched Daniel approach her and duck under Sha’re’s swinging arms propelled at him by Amaunet. He picked her up and flung her over his shoulder, her face hanging low over his chest so that she could see his feet as he walked forward. Her arms were trapped across his shoulders or she might have been worried Amaunet might try to take one of his weapons.

“After you, Jack,” said Daniel, grunting a little. “You’re the one who knows the way.”

“Knows the way might be exaggerating just a little,” said Jack. “It’s a labyrinth for a reason.”

“Yeah, well, we’re here for a reason,” said Daniel, “so let’s go.”

“Someone’s anxious,” said Jack, moving forward.

“Yeah, well, I’d like to get going with the ‘having my wife back’ part of my day,” said Daniel.

Sha’re smiled to herself, then suddenly frowned. Amaunet had vanished from her senses. 

Where was she? Sha’re could not feel her demon and yet there was no possible way Amaunet had left her. This felt has it often had when Amaunet was sleeping during Sha’re’s pregnancy. Why had Amaunet done this?

Sha’re did not know if Amaunet was attempting to hide herself from the aliens who had created this place or if she had other plans. Sha’re knew that Amaunet would not let her go easily, no matter what.

They walked for some time and Daniel and Jack spoke only seldom. Sha’re gingerly reached out to see if she could find Amaunet, but she was not there. So Sha’re did not waste time and she prepared herself to once again take control of her body and tried to see what was happening, but it was hard to do with her current point of view of Daniel’s feet.

“And we’re here, kiddos,” said Jack and Daniel stopped walking.

Daniel lowered her to the ground and stepped back. Sha’re waited as did everyone, but Amaunet made no move. Sha’re did not know what to do but reveal herself, at least in that way she might perhaps warn Daniel and Jack. 

“Husband,” Sha’re said, “I do not know where the demon is.”

Daniel looked startled and Jack looked incredulous.

“Nice try,” said Jack.

“It is me,” said Sha’re, rising and being careful to stay back from them so they would not think she was attempting an attack. “She has gone as she did when I was with child. I do not know what her plan may be.”

“Maybe she’s trying to hide from the Asgard,” said Daniel and the hope on his face was almost painful to see.

“Or that’s her and she’s going to try and kill you again,” said Jack.

“I would assume she is going to do something evil,” said Sha’re, “but I cannot feel her presence.”

“Well, then we need to get her out of you to be sure,” said Daniel. “It’s time, Sha’re, time to be free.”

“I agree, my Dan’iel,” said Sha’re, “but I do not know how.”

“All you have to do is walk out of here,” said Daniel, gesturing to the other side of the cavern where a strangely thin entrance was cut into the rock. “And fight.”

“These instructions are not very clear,” said Sha’re, as she turned to face the entrance and began to walk.

“I wish I could tell you more,” said Daniel, “but I don’t know any more.”

“Then, I wish you farewell until I reach the other side,” she said, smiling at him. Daniel walked over to her while Jack reached out too late to pull him back. “You should stay back,” she warned him.

“I promised I wouldn’t let you go through this alone,” he said. “I want you to know I’m here.”

“I can see you,” she said, a little afraid because something felt off.

The takeover was swift and sudden and Sha’re was helpless against it.

She suddenly lunged forward and twisted around Daniel, grabbing his knife where it hung by his side in her bound hands and then looped them around his throat, the knife against it.

Amaunet was heavy with triumph in Sha’re’s head and she reeled back, feeling sick.

“Drop it!” said Jack, gun raised and pointed at her.

“I have won!” said Amaunet, backing Daniel towards the entrance. “Do not come any closer.”

“Daniel, how many times have I told you not to be captured by your wife?” said Jack, the worry evident in his voice.

“It’s okay, Jack,” said Daniel.

“Oh really? Where you going?” asked Jack, addressing Amaunet.

“I am leaving, with the human in my hand. The precious Asgard will not harm a human life and so I shall be safe.”

“Oh,” said Daniel, “oh.”

“What’s that mean?” asked Jack.

“It means that I don’t want you to shoot my wife, so let’s just leave the cave and we’ll try and figure it out later,” said Daniel.

Sha’re knew there was something in his voice that betokened a plan and so she did not attempt to fight Amaunet, saving her strength.

“You do know you’re not getting off the planet, right?” asked Jack, who apparently also knew Daniel well enough to not fight him on this. “We’re not exactly as stupid as you think we are.”

“I will take my chances,” said Amaunet. “The loss of my child is great, but this new host might appease my lord. Maybe this one won’t even struggle if these two bodies can be together forever.”

“It’s both romantic and sick,” said Jack. “Doesn’t matter, you’re dead either way.”

Amaunet hovered at the edge of the entrance, suddenly unsure.

“Turn off the machine,” she said. “I can see their foul technology, now turn it off.”

“You think I look like the kind of guy who knows how to do that?” asked Jack.

“Turn it off,” Amaunet screamed. “Or I kill him.”

“Then you die,” said Jack, leveling his gun at her face.

“This is the way it should be,” said Daniel and suddenly flung himself backwards.

A red light engulfed Daniel and Sha’re, causing the knife to drop from her hand, and she suddenly felt pain holding her body in place, a paralyzing sensation that would not let her move and she felt very afraid.

“This is your time, Sha’re,” said Daniel’s voice in her ear. “She is as helpless as you are. Fight, please fight.”

Sha’re had always been rather good at that.

***

Sha’re took a few moments to assess her situation. If she focused hard enough she could see Jack standing inside the cavern, gun slightly raised, just beyond the red light. She could feel Daniel slipping his way out of her grip around his neck and standing beside her. He placed his hand on her shoulder, a way of supporting her, she imagined. What a generous man her husband was.

Yet none of these things mattered in that moment, what was outside of her body was beyond Sha’re’s obligation to notice.

The red light kept her in place and Sha’re wondered at how it could do so. Somehow the light itself did not feel like the cause of her pain. The pain was inside of her, filling her every part, like little pricks of fire all along her spine and concentrating on the base of her neck. They were hammering at her essence, attempting to be let in, and Sha’re feared they would destroy her if she did grant them leave. There was a part of her that was terribly afraid and would almost welcome destruction if it meant the end of this endless life and this pain. Sha’re did not believe she truly wanted such a thing; she could not, not when there was such a life waiting for her.

She instead concentrated on opening herself up to the pain, letting it invade her and spread its destruction. Surely it, this marvelous pain, could destroy the demon inside of her. The fire did spread and Sha’re buckled under the agony, but it was necessary, very necessary, and that enabled her to withstand it.

Like a howling sandstorm Amaunet’s consciousness bore down upon Sha’re and assaulted her ability to welcome the pain of cleansing. 

At first this was just added pain and fear, but Sha’re felt the difference. This pain was pointed and cruel, vindictive and violent with vengeance. It became a lance through her very being and, had she the ability to move her body; it would have fallen to the floor in surrender and agony. She could not tell how long that lasted, time seemed to have been irrelevant from the moment she went into the light, yet she could have sworn longer than anyone could bear. This was more than anyone should endure and she would cry and scream and shake and defend herself if she could, but there was no defense. She was alone and bare to her attacker. No retreat within her own mind would serve her needs and her body was her own enemy. Perhaps death was the better option than this forever pain.

She could not have known to describe it as such, but the intention and meaning of the pain seemed to solidify itself into concepts and words. Was it possible she was communicating with Amaunet?

“This is mine,” she heard. “You are mine. I shall never let you free. If you do not fight, the pain will be less. Or the pain will be more as I will it, for you have lost and I am your god.”

The understanding of her torment gave Sha’re more hope than she thought Amaunet knew. For one such as Sha’re, born under oppression and then freedom gained, the call to arms was attempt at oppression. She would never let that be her fate again.

“No,” she cried in defiance. “This is my home, my body, my mind. You shall leave, demon, mortal even as I.”

Amaunet almost growled in response and pressed her attack harder. Sha’re crumbled back again.

“You will needlessly kill this body,” said Amaunet. “Do not fight me!”

“I would gladly die if it meant being free and bringing you with me,” said Sha’re, struggling to find strength in the swirling storm of pain around her.

“I will not die!” yelled Amaunet. “I will make you kill everyone you ever loved for this treachery!”

Sha’re realized that was the wrong thing for Amaunet to say. Sha’re had many people to love and to do them harm would be the worst thing imaginable. She knew that road and she would not follow it again. She had a good and fair father, who had unlearned many things others his age had not been able to. She had an innocent and fearless brother who needed to be rescued from his own demon. She had family and friends of many names and ages who waited for her return. She had new friends to make, people to thank for their efforts on her behalf. She had a loyal and passionate husband, who had searched the stars for her. This, this was enough. Sha’re was something important to them and to herself and it would be more than Amaunet would ever know. Sha’re almost felt sorry for the poor Goa’uld, false god and more pathetic in the moments of death than anyone should be.

With all that she had within her, Sha’re shoved back against the pain Amaunet forced upon her and, with the strength of her mind, opened up to the pain of the red light, holding Amaunet steady against its force.

It was unbearable and Sha’re wished for it to end, but she did not let herself falter. It would all be worth it to be free. Amaunet struggled and cried out, but was suddenly yanked from Sha’re and the oppressive force smothering Sha’re for so long was gone. Sha’re stumbled against the loss of it, hardly knowing how to deal with the fact that she was once again in sole possession of her body. 

She opened her eyes and the red light was gone, a crawling, long symbiote, such as she had seen before, was on the ground before her, crumbling into ash. Sha’re’s face lit with joy and she laughed and then swayed, her body unable to cope with the trauma it had just undergone, deep searing pain still issuing from the back of her neck. Someone was yelling but she did not understand the words. Voices that sounded like Carter and Teal’c were answering Jack’s voice. She briefly saw Daniel’s worried face and his arms reached out to catch her before the blackness of rest swallowed her vision.

***

Lights and voices pierced Sha’re’s perception and she fluttered her eyelids open. Her body felt heavy and light at the same time. Something was missing and yet she was glad about that. Daniel’s face was above her, worried and hopeful at the same time. She had never known anyone who could be as full of joy and worry as her husband. She wanted to reassure him and attempted to lift her arm, but she could not. All around her was the green she had glimpsed before being taken to the caves. A great chappa’ai was in front of her and she was being carried on some type of stretcher into the swirling blue of the circle.

She felt cold and needed rest so she closed her eyes again.

When time had passed and she felt more able to be aware, she opened her eyes again. She was once more in the strange walls of what Daniel called the SGC. It was odd for her to feel such relief but she felt it nonetheless. These were the Tau’ri and not the Goa’uld. Daniel’s face was still above her and he looked down and she tried to smile at him. His face lit up with beauteous joy and he leaned close to her.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hello,” she answered and her voice felt slightly strange to her. “What is happening, Dan’iel?”

“We’re gonna make sure she’s gone for good,” said Daniel. “Make sure you’re okay.”

“I will be well again,” said Sha’re, and his hand reached to squeeze hers.

The gray walls of the SGC passed above her like a dream until she found herself in the familiar white and gray of the room where Janet reigned supreme. 

The woman with the short dark hair came briskly to where Jack and Daniel were lifting Sha’re into one of the beds.

“Okay, gentlemen, I’d like to run my tests now,” said Janet.

“Can’t I please stay?” pleaded Daniel.

Janet looked exasperated but her eyes were soft when she pointed to the extreme corner of the curtained area Sha’re was lying in.

“Stay there!” she said. “Colonel, you’ll have to leave.”

“You got it, boss,” said Jack, putting his fingers to his forehead briefly. “Daniel, I’ll give the General a quick debrief but he’s gonna want to talk to all of us as soon as we get checked out.”

“I know,” said Daniel. “Let’s make sure we have something good to tell him.”

“See you later,” said Jack, then stopped to look at Sha’re. “Welcome back,” he said, winking at her.

“Goodbye, Jack,” she said.

Janet looked at Daniel.

“It worked?”

“Yeah,” said Daniel, hugging himself and staring down at Sha’re with a large smile. “Janet, I’d like you to meet my wife.”

“I did deliver her baby,” Janet reminded him, but turned to Sha’re and put her hand on her shoulder. “I’m very glad to meet you, Sha’re, very glad.”

“Is Shifu all right?” asked Sha’re, so glad to finally be able to ask the question.

“He’s fine,” Janet assured her. “As soon as we get you checked out and you debrief with the General, I’ll take you to him, okay?”

Sha’re wanted to see him immediately, but she was amongst a strange culture and somewhat at their mercy.

“Thank you for taking care of both of us,” said Sha’re. “Dan’iel says you are the best doctor.”

“He does, does he?” said Janet, looking sideways at Daniel, who shrugged and looked at the floor.

Janet began to help her undress from the strange pants and shirt that Sha’re had worn through the chappa’ai and helped her into a white gown. She examined the wound on the back of Sha’re’s neck and attended to it. Sha’re felt cool relief when Janet put a white substance along the line of fire burning on her neck. Janet scanned Sha’re with some type of machine and drew blood from her arm. Daniel hovered in the background but it did not take as long as Sha’re would have thought, judging from her last experience here.

“Well?” asked Daniel.

“I don’t have all the tests back, Daniel,” said Janet, “but I see no symbiote on the initial scans. Now, can you be patient and wait for the rest?”

“Were you in doubt of my identity when you saw the demon die even as I did?” asked Sha’re as Janet stepped around the curtain, leaving them alone.

“No,” said Daniel. “You are you.”

“Yes,” Sha’re said with deep satisfaction.

“But if Janet proves it for everyone else, then that will make it easier for them to accept you’re no longer a threat,” Daniel said, slightly uneasily.

“As long as you believe it, I do not care who else does,” said Sha’re.

Daniel moved closer to her and cupped her face with his hand.

“Until my dying day,” he said, “I will believe in you.”

“That is my Dan’iel,” she said. “All pretty words and sincerity. Thank you. I am so glad to see you once more with only my own mind.”

“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes roving over her and she could tell he appreciated seeing her.

She hesitated, not truly knowing how to answer that. There were so many things in her mind and so much remembered pain. Perhaps the time spent pregnant had helped prepare her for this moment because she did not think she would be able to function as well as she was if she had not so recently known what life was like without Amaunet. She mostly felt joy and relief, yet she felt that the nightmares would come and she would need to relearn to live a free life.

“I will need time,” she said. “Dan’iel, I will need time, but we are together now and this is the important thing.”

“Whatever you need, I will do whatever I can to get it to you,” he said, leaning forward and pressing their lips together.

Sha’re cherished the kiss and eagerly returned it, a vitality rushing through her and the memory of all their kisses before. She did not think she would ever take for granted again the simple pleasure of kissing her husband and knowing that only the two of them could feel and enjoy the interaction.

“What is next?” she asked when he parted their lips and leaned his forehead against hers.

“Now, we tell everyone you’re back and figure out what we want to do,” he said.

“That makes me happy,” she said.

“Good,” he said, smiling.

***

There was much hurry and tasks accomplished then. Daniel and the other members of SG1 were also medically checked by the doctors and Sha’re was allowed to change into the clothes she had worn before; Daniel called them BDUs. Sha’re found them interesting to wear, more comfortable than she would have imagined and she rather liked the fact that when SG1 came to escort her and Daniel to a briefing with the General that she and Sam were dressed alike. She walked alongside the other woman, her hand held in Daniel’s.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you finally,” said Sam warmly. “Daniel speaks of you all the time and so I feel like I know you.”

“I do not have the same advantage,” admitted Sha’re, “but he has told me enough about you that I know I would like to know you.”

“We’ll have to have a girl’s night out with Janet after this is all settled,” said Sam.

Sha’re did not know what a girl’s night out was, but she liked the sound of it and she nodded her agreement.

They entered a large room with a see through wall such as she had seen in Goa’uld temples and a big table in the middle of it. Beyond the wall she could see the chappa’ai.

General Hammond was sitting at the table and he stood when they entered and crossed over to her and reached out his hand. Sha’re knew she was to shake it and so she did.

“Welcome to the SGC, Mrs. Jackson,” said the General. “I’m glad you’re all right.”

“I must thank you for my life, General,” said Sha’re. “You allowed my husband and his team to free me.”

“It was my pleasure,” he said and gestured with his hand. “Won’t you have a seat? I want to hear all about it.” 

“I will be happy to help in any way that I can,” said Sha’re.

They sat around the table and Daniel continued to hold her hand under the table. Sha’re rather suspected that he would need a lot of reassurance she was still there for a while. She did not mind this burden; in fact, she suspected she would need such reassurance herself.

She listened as Jack detailed their trip through the chappa’ai and the journey through the tunnels, then Amaunet’s play for freedom and Sha’re’s victory. It was odd to hear Jack describe what he had observed happening. To hear him tell the story, Sha’re had simply been held in the beam of Thor’s Hammer, shaking, and then the symbiote had come out of her neck and burned to ash. The whole affair had taken less than ten seconds. How strange, when to her the event had seemed to take a lifetime. 

Sam then spoke about how she and Teal’c had traveled the longer distance to arrive at the outside of the cave to guard against escape and make sure they could get out in case anything had been different from their prior experience. It had apparently been uneventful and they had arrived just in time to see Amaunet be destroyed.

General Hammond listened to it all with a blank expression on his face, but Sha’re observed he was deeply interested.

“Thank you,” he said when Daniel had simply added that he hadn’t struggled against Amaunet’s capture because he knew as she did not that the beam would be able to distinguish him from her. “Considering the beam at the gate takes both humans and Goa’ulds with it when they’re touching, I have to say that was a huge risk, Dr. Jackson.”

“Well, the Asgard rebuilt everything with Teal’c as an exception and with the knowledge of what happened last time,” said Daniel, shrugging. “I knew Thor and Balder wouldn’t overlook that. Besides, Sha’re was already taking a much bigger risk, the least I could do was take one as well.”

“You are so foolish, my husband,” said Sha’re and then blushed slightly when Jack and Sam both let out short bursts of laughter. 

Sam immediately checked herself but even General Hammond looked amused at the look on Daniel’s face, though he quickly turned to address Sha’re.

“If you wouldn’t mind telling us your experience, Mrs. Jackson?” he said. “I’m not sure where to ask you to start, but perhaps from whatever you remember after the birth of your son.”

Sha’re nodded and prepared herself to speak, wondering if her English would suffice for such a tale. Before she could start speaking the man she had identified as Maybourne entered the room dressed in a uniform.

“Pardon for interrupting, General,” he said. “I believe I should be present at this rather important debriefing, don’t you?”

Hammond did not look as if he thought so, but he gave a tight nod and gestured for him to sit down.

“Of course, Colonel. Colonel Maybourne, may I introduce the newly returned Sha’re Jackson.”

“I’m…so glad you are yourself again,” said the Colonel and Sha’re forced her voice to remain pleasant.

“Thank you. I am glad to be myself again.”

“I certainly hope it’s permanent,” he said.

“It is,” said Daniel in a low, dangerous tone.

Maybourne simply smiled and didn’t rise to Daniel’s tone.

“Please continue,” said Hammond, shooting Maybourne a look.

Sha’re took a deep breath and began with her gradual awareness of herself once Amaunet had returned and her thoughts that either the drugs she was given or Amaunet’s long sleep had somehow helped Sha’re to have more consciousness than she had while previously a host.

Maybourne looked like he wanted to interject but Hammond held up his hand, keeping him from interrupting.

Sam and Daniel both looked fascinated as Sha’re spoke about being able to comprehend and even almost take control during the failed interrogation, though Sha’re noticed Sam looked somewhat personally disturbed. Jack simply looked cross and Sha’re was not sure if that was because of Maybourne’s presence or annoyance at what Sha’re had undergone. She liked to think it was both.

She concluded with her desperate attempt to save Daniel’s life and Amaunet’s furious psychic onslaught and their trip through the chappa’ai and then the fight in the red light.

“I apologize if I am not very clear,” she ended. “It is not always easy to find the right word in English.”

“You did great,” said Sam, reassuring her. 

Daniel squeezed her hand under the table.

“Unfortunately, I think there are some gaps in the story,” said Maybourne. “After all, how do we know the entire symbiote left? I hate to do it, but bring your minds back to Major Kowalsky and that incident.”

Jack’s face tightened and Sha’re didn’t know what that meant.

“Our understanding of the Goa’uld symbiotes has been enhanced greatly since then,” said General Hammond. “Dr. Fraiser shows no sign of any trace of the symbiote left in Mrs. Jackson.”

“I’d love for my department to look at those lab results,” said Maybourne.

“I’m sure you would,” mumbled Daniel.

“Dr. Fraiser will provide whatever evidence is needed to ease your mind on this, Colonel,” said General Hammond. “I’ve asked her to report here once she has all her findings and had time to work up a report. I can tell you, I’ve been personally assured by the President that so long as she is medically cleared, Sha’re Jackson will be considered a guest of the SGC and not a threat.”

“Well, yes, and what of the child,” said Maybourne. “You keep stalling on the subject, General.”

Sha’re glanced sharply at Daniel who looked troubled.

“The child has also been cleared,” said General Hammond easily.

“Perhaps we could run some further tests,” said Maybourne. “The advancements we might be able to learn about the Goa’uld and their biology-”

Sha’re did not know what the proper customs were here in such a situation but she did not care. She stood up and faced Maybourne squarely.

“I do not wish to be rude,” she said, “but I do not see what my child and his heritage has to do with you. The doctor has shown him to be fully human and therefore he is not a threat to you. The SGC has no right to withhold my child from me.”

“Mrs. Jackson,” began Maybourne. “I know coming from a simpler existence may make it seem like-”

“I don’t think so, Harry,” said Jack.

Daniel stood up beside Sha’re and put his hand on her back.

“I believe you heard my wife,” he said clearly. “Our child is none of your business, Colonel. He’s not a threat and therefore to you he doesn’t get to exist, am I clear?”

Sha’re shot a somewhat startled glance at Daniel when he said Shifu was their child. It was not that it did not make her glad, but she had been worried about his reaction to Shifu in their lives and to hear him so publically declare it, she could now relax and know they would figure it out together.

“Dr. Jackson, please sit down,” said General Hammond. Daniel sat down slowly and continued to glare at Maybourne. Sha’re also sat down, squeezing his hand and rubbing her thumb over his. “Could we please keep this civilized, people? Our official stance on both Shifu and Sha’re Jackson is that they are our guests. Colonel, I suggest you drop it.”

“I’d still like a look at those medical records,” said Maybourne.

“Did someone mention medical records?” asked Janet, walking into the room from the hallway. “I believe that is my cue.”

“Do you have your full report, Dr. Fraiser?” asked General Hammond.

“I do, sir,” said Janet, putting down thick files in front of him. “You will see here the result of every test I ran on both Shifu and Sha’re. My opinion is that they are both healthy humans. There are traces of naquadah in Sha’re’s blood, but they are practically identical to the traces left in Captain Carter after Jolinar.” Sha’re looked askance at Sam who smiled somewhat weakly at her. “Nothing abnormal and, if anything, confirms our theories about what happened there. If necessary, Sha’re could be confined to the base for a week or so to monitor her immune system’s adjustment to our planet, but other than that, I see no medical reason why she should be confined to base.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” said General Hammond. “Now, if no one has anything else to add, I suggest we let the newly reunited couple be newly reunited with their son. Reports on my desk by tomorrow morning as I need to give a full report to the President.”

He stood up and everyone followed his lead.

Maybourne followed Hammond into his office and Jack looked like he both did and did not want to follow.

“Will he do anything?” asked Sha’re, looking after Maybourne.

“He can try,” said Sam. “I think we’re gonna put this one in the win column though.”

Sha’re was not entirely sure what that meant, but she understood it to be a good thing.

“Come on,” said Daniel. “It’s time to follow the General’s orders.”

Sha’re nodded, a smile already blooming on her face at the thought.

“Follow me,” said Janet.

“We’ll see you later,” said Sam, surprising Sha’re with a hug. “We’ll get to know each other.”

“It will indeed be an honor,” said Teal’c, inclining his head to her.

“I look forward to it,” she replied and then took Daniel’s hand and followed Janet.

***

Janet led the way to a part of the SGC that Sha’re did not recall seeing before. Not that she pretended to really understand anything about the place. Each floor appeared to be the same layout and the corridors were all so similar that it would be easy to get lost. 

“We’re not really equipped for a nursery here,” said Janet, stopping in front of a closed door with an armed guard standing outside, “but we managed to knock up something.”

She slid something square through a slit next to the door and a light flashed. Janet turned the door handle and they entered a tiny room. The lighting was dim but still brighter than most of the base. Some cheerful pictures had been hung and there was medical equipment along the back wall. A table was in the middle of the room and a woman sat there, writing. She glanced up and smiled at Janet.

“He’s sleeping,” she said softly.

“Thanks, Karen,” said Janet. “We’ll let them watch him for now, okay?”

“Sounds good,” said Karen, gathering her papers and smiling at Daniel on the way out. “Welcome back, Dr. Jackson.”

“Thanks, Karen,” said Daniel.

Sha’re entered further in the room and saw chairs in one corner, next to a crib.

“He’ll probably need to be fed in a bit,” said Janet. “I’ll come back then.”

“I shall be able to feed him myself, yes?” said Sha’re.

“It might be a bit tricky,” said Janet, “but I don’t see why not. Let’s find out when I come back.”

“Thank you, Janet,” said Sha’re, putting her hand on the woman’s arm. “I am very grateful for everything you have done for my son and for myself.”

“It’s my job,” said Janet. “It’s also my pleasure.” 

She smiled brightly and then exited, closing the door behind her.

Sha’re found herself suddenly nervous as, even though she had technically seen and felt him be born, this would be the first real time she had met Shifu.

She crossed to the crib, Daniel behind her, and peered over the side. The baby lying in the blankets was so tiny, swaddled in a soft looking material. His fuzzy black hair was sticking out of a tiny blue cap on his head. He looked very peaceful and Sha’re felt love swelling within her.

“Oh, Dan’iel,” said Sha’re, “he is our beautiful child.”

“Yes, he is,” said Daniel. “Go on, pick him up.”

“He is sleeping,” said Sha’re.

“Pick him up carefully,” Daniel amended.

Sha’re rolled her eyes and reached over, gently picking up Shifu. He made a small mewling sound, but did not seem to wake up. She backed up carefully to the chair behind her and sat down. She was slightly startled when it rocked backward. 

“Is it safe?” she asked, amused.

“It’s a rocking chair,” said Daniel. “It’s supposed to do that and it feels nice, especially for him.”

Sha’re experimented with leaning back and using her feet to leverage the chair backward and forward. She was surprised at how easy it was to navigate.

“This is wonderful,” she said. “I would like to give one to my father and my grandmother.”

“They would make excellent presents,” said Daniel.

Now that Sha’re felt comfortable with the rocking chair, she looked down at her son, held closely to her chest. He was so beautiful that she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears. Yet, this was not an unhappy moment. For the first time in a long time, she let herself feel safe and at rest. Shifu was warm against her and Daniel was in sight. Of course, she needed to keep looking at Shifu and memorizing his features. His eyes were screwed shut, but she could see everything else.

“Whom do you see when you look at him?” she asked Daniel, suddenly looking up at him, a question burning in her heart.

“Why, Skaara, of course,” said Daniel. “Jack and I both think so.”

“It is true,” she said. “My brother is strong in his face. But now I need to know, Dan’iel, what do you know of Skaara?” 

Daniel’s brows furrowed and he leaned forward with his hands under his chin.

“He is still lost, Sha’re. In fact, you are more likely to have seen him than me.”

“I have been long months on Abydos, remember,” she said. “I saw him after the attack on Earth and he lived, but he lived as Klorel, Amaunet’s son and not my brother.”

“Yeah,” said Daniel. “I’m just glad he survived that at all. He….he tried to kill me and, uh, Jack had to...you know, try to kill him.”

“I heard as Amaunet this same tale,” said Sha’re. “Both Klorel and Apophis were furious at the result of their attack.”

“But did you hear that Skaara was himself for a minute?” asked Daniel. “It was really him.”

That was glad news to Sha’re.

“We must find him and free him as you did me,” she said firmly.

Daniel hesitated and then spoke.

“Does that mean you want to stay on Earth? Because I can’t imagine us doing that without the aid of the SGC.”

“I do not know,” said Sha’re. “It is all so new to me, Dan’iel, and I am lost in a strange world, though I am found. Can we decide not at this moment?”

“You have all the time in the world,” said Daniel. “I won’t let anybody force you to do anything, if it’s within my power.”

“I believe you,” said Sha’re. “I appreciate that for I…I find freedom joyful and yet unsettling.”

“I can imagine,” said Daniel.

“I do not know yet how to put these feelings into words,” said Sha’re, looking down at Shifu again and softly tracing the lines of his face. “Perhaps I will someday.”

“I can wait,” said Daniel.

“You are the best at waiting, my husband,” Sha’re said, feeling lighter. “Your patience will be rewarded.”

“I look forward to it,” said Daniel with a grin.

Shifu made a small sound in his sleep and sounded as if he might awaken and Sha’re shifted him in her arms, supporting his head as her mother had long ago shown her when Skaara was a baby. She hummed softly the song her mother had sung and this was all she knew to do. She had taken care of many babies, but none had been her own. Shifu quieted and Sha’re kept humming.

Daniel stared at her strangely and she felt self-conscious.

“What is it?” she asked him.

“You’re a perfect mother,” he said.

“Not so,” said Sha’re.

“No, you’re, you’re doing great,” he said, ducking his head. “I’m afraid I, I won’t be as good at it, being a parent.”

“I know this child was not what we planned,” said Sha’re, her throat closing over the thought of how Shifu had come to be. “But do not be displeased with me or him.”

“What?” Daniel said, startled. “No, Sha’re, no.”

“I cannot help the past,” she said, “and I am afraid for the future if I do not have your help.”

Daniel leaned forward and put his hands on her knee.

“Sha’re, none of this is your fault and I will love you no matter what. I…I hate what was done to you and I hate that it happened. But neither you nor Shifu are at fault. He never has to know I’m not his father because I will be his father…I’m just not prepared.”

“No parent ever is,” said Sha’re, some feeling of fear disappearing at the confidence in his declaration. 

“But my parents died and then my grandfather left me and I had too many other parents after that,” said Daniel. “People who showed me too many different versions of what parenthood can be.”

“Then you shall select the best from each and be better prepared than anyone,” said Sha’re, remembering the incredulity and outrage she had felt when she first heard the story of how he had grown up.

“It’s just rather sudden,” said Daniel and he laughed slightly. “But I guess we could argue about how strange and sudden our situation is until we’re blue in the face. It won’t change anything.”

“You are correct,” said Sha’re. “There is much to plan and to change, but for now I would simply be. Be with me, my Dan’iel.”

“That sounds nice,” he said hoarsely.

He scooted his chair closer to hers so he could put his arm half way around her and the other stroked Shifu’s head.

Sha’re smiled and let her eyes close. She was still very tired and she did not want to do anything else but rest. As she drifted to sleep it seemed she heard Daniel humming her mother’s song.

***

Daniel had a place to live outside of the SGC but Sha’re could not leave the base so he was to stay with her in the guest quarters and she would be glad to once again lay down for sleep with him beside her. The very idea that she would wake up and he would be there was comforting. Shifu was in a crib beside their bed and Sha’re would be able to hold him if he should need it. 

Janet had spent a lot of time that day, showing Sha’re the instruments of the Tau’ri for taking care of a baby. Some were similar to things on Abydos, but many things were very new to Sha’re and she was a bit overwhelmed with the many items she would now have with her on an hourly basis for taking care of her baby. Diapers and slings and pacifiers and breast pumps. After Janet had helped Sha’re nurse Shifu, Sha’re had felt the need to escape, but there was nowhere to go in this mountain except her quarters and so she went there.

She told Daniel to write his report for General Hammond and shut herself in the room with Shifu. Sitting beside the crib she thought about what she would do and where she would go. Was this life in these gray walls enough for her? Could she raise her child here? Yet to go back to Abydos would be dangerous as Apophis would expect her to return there. Even if he believed her father when he said that she had been taken by an enemy, he might watch the planet for her return. She had too many concerns. This planet was not without its dangers and Daniel had warned her of things like politics and secrecy. Her life here would be very different.

Sha’re felt very small and troubled as she sat by her son and attempted to sing to him. The words would not come and she wondered why. It was such an easy task but she could not do it, could not remember what she had wanted to sing. Had her own memories been replaced by constant thoughts of the Goa’uld? Would she only remember the flashes of pleasure at watching someone suffer at her hands? 

Shifu began to stir and she put her hand down to comfort him but he didn’t calm. Janet had warned her that Shifu needed to feed often so Sha’re picked him up and prepared to feed him. Every time she attempted to get him to latch on to her nipple he would move his head away. Sha’re tried everything she could remember Janet showing her but nothing seemed to be working and she wasn’t sure if she was doing it right. Small tears of frustration began to fill her eyes and she tried to remember how to use the phone Daniel had shown her.

A sudden knock on the door made her freeze in fear and then she tentatively called out.

“Who is there?”

“It’s Sam, can I come in?”

“Oh yes, please,” said Sha’re, feeling something of relief. 

Sam stuck her head in the door and saw Sha’re holding Shifu.

“I’m sorry, didn’t know you were nursing,” she said. “Do you want me to come back?”

“No,” said Sha’re emphatically. “Sam, it’s not working.”

“Oh,” said Sam, coming in and shutting the door. “Well, I’m not exactly sure myself.”

“Janet said that because I didn’t nurse right away Shifu might have trouble recognizing what to do, but that it should come back the more we did it,” said Sha’re. “We tried earlier and finally got it to work but nothing she showed me is working and I don’t even know if I remember.”

“Do you want me to call her or a nurse?” said Sam, coming and sitting beside Sha’re on the bed.

“Perhaps that is best,” said Sha’re, “but how can I be his mother if I cannot even feed him?”

“Hey, it’s new,” said Sam. “You’ve been through a lot and so has he, I’m sure it will get easier.”

“I do not want the process, I want the result,” said Sha’re.

“Sometimes we all do,” said Sam and helped adjust Sha’re’s pillows so her head was supported. “Try again and then we’ll get help if we need to.”

Sha’re adjusted her body and tried to position herself where Shifu could easily latch on. He snuffled his nose against her for a moment or two and then closed his mouth and began to suck. Finally Sha’re felt the same sensation she had felt before and only a little soreness.

“He is doing it!” she cried out.

“You both are.” Sam smiled and leaned back on the bed.

“Thank you,” said Sha’re. “Did you need to speak to me about something?”

“What? No, I just wanted to check in on you.”

“You have good instincts,” said Sha’re.

“Yeah, well, you being a stranger and a woman and an alien and a mother and only recently yourself was a big clue for me,” Sam said.

Sha’re smiled and looked down.

“I confess that I am feeling overwhelmed. I was simply so glad to be free and reunited with my family and now I feel useless, that Amaunet and her thoughts are all I can know. What life shall I live?”

Sam nodded and looked down at her hands.

“I, uh, I know what you mean.”

“Yes,” said Sha’re. “Have you had a demon as well, Sam? What Janet said at the meeting with the General…”

“Um, it was a Tok’ra,” said Sam.

Sha’re felt confused for a moment and then suddenly had a flash of Apophis raging about a Tok’ra operative infiltrating his ranks and remembered the story.

“I know of them,” said Sha’re. “I did not think they took human hosts like that. This is why they fight the Goa’uld.”

“This was a bit of an extreme situation,” said Sam. “She was fleeing for her life and then she…well, she took me and is gone only because an Ashrak infiltrated the base and tried to kill us. She actually gave her life for me.”

“Oh, Sam, you understand perfectly then,” said Sha’re. “I am so sorry to hear that.”

“I can relate a bit, yeah,” said Sam. “It wasn’t long though and I don’t think there are any bad lasting effects. I mean, I can remember some things from her and I know I can use the technology, but I don’t know how most of the time.”

“So I will be the same?” asked Sha’re.

“You were Amaunet for a lot longer than I was Jolinar,” said Sam. “You remember more, I think, but do you remember things from her life before she was in you?”

“I do not know,” said Sha’re, frowning. “I see myself doing such terrible things, but I have not tried to remember anything else.”

“I don’t blame you,” said Sam in a quiet voice. “I don’t really want to either.”

“Does the General try to make you?” asked Sha’re.

“No,” said Sam. “There have been a couple of times that we all wanted me to know something, but General Hammond would never try to make me. Neither would the Colonel.”

“But perhaps Maybourne would,” said Sha’re. 

“Perhaps,” said Sam. “I, uh, have had some restrictions put on me since then and it’s been tough, but my team and the General support me and that helps.”

“But are you okay?” asked Sha’re, as much for her own sake as for Sam’s.

“Most of the time,” said Sam, twisting her hands together. “I understand how overwhelming it can be. I know that sometimes it doesn’t even feel like you are yourself. You’ve been robbed of something so essential to yourself that it doesn’t feel like you as a person even exists anymore. I hate that feeling and I know you’ll feel it, too.”

“Yes,” said Sha’re. “But now you are not alone, Sam.”

“No, and neither are you,” said Sam, putting a hand on Sha’re’s shoulder. “We’ll figure this out together. That is, as long as you’ll be here.”

“Am I going somewhere?” asked Sha’re in alarm.

“I just didn’t know if you wanted to go back to Abydos,” said Sam.

“I do not know,” said Sha’re. “There are dangers everywhere. I know for all that he says he does not mind, Dan’iel would rather be here.”

“He’s a pretty well liked person around here,” said Sam. “I’d miss him a lot.”

“I also know I cannot abandon my brother to the fate of a slave,” said Sha’re. “I cannot help him from Abydos.”

“Well, sounds like you and Daniel have a lot to discuss,” said Sam. “But whatever you decide, I’m still here for you.”

“We are strangers and you are so kind,” said Sha’re. “This is the beauty of the Tau’ri.”

“It’s the beauty of humanity,” said Sam. “You’re human, too.”

“I am human,” repeated Sha’re, feeling better. Shifu continued his breathy sucking and Sha’re smiled down at him. “I am human and so are you, my son.”

“Nice feeling, huh?” said Sam. “It’s good to see new life around here.”

Sam sighed and bit her lip and Sha’re frowned.

“Is there much death here?”

“No, well, unfortunately, some, it comes with the job. No, I’m just thinking of my father who is sick.”

“I am sorry to hear it,” said Sha’re.

“The worst part is he doesn’t know about this and we didn’t leave it well.”

“There are some things you cannot tell a father,” said Sha’re, thinking of how Kasuf did not truly know of what had happened to her and how she could not tell him what he could not understand.

“In this case, it’s more restrictions of the job,” said Sam, smiling wryly. “But I’ve been thinking of trying to get permission. Daniel said I should.”

“He is a wise man,” said Sha’re.

“He is,” said Sam. “I’ll talk to the General soon because I don’t want my father dying without knowing the wonders I’ve seen.”

“How much wonder is there in the stars?” asked Sha’re, having seen only terror and death on her trips to other planets

Sam grinned and settled down more comfortably on the bed.

“Stop me if I start speaking too much scientific jargon, okay?”

Sam proceeded to tell many tales and Sha’re let her thoughts carry her on Sam’s words. The people and places of the universe were different and vast and complicated and not conquered in the name of the false gods. That was a comforting thought. She knew it would not be her last moment of panic, but Sha’re felt reassured that she could know people of refuge. When she woke in the night frightened, she would find her husband’s arms. When she no longer felt as if she was herself, she could talk to Sam. When she felt ill equipped to live on Earth, she would find the practical advice of Janet. When she felt as if she had never done anything good, only evil, she would hold her son and remember what beauty could come out of the horrors.

Yes, it was a small plan, but it was a plan. The people of the Tau’ri would be her family and Earth would be her home. It would not negate the life and love she had and held on Abydos, but it would fit the stage of life she and her family were in. One decision made was all the difference.


	4. Epilogue

Daniel finished shrugging his shirt over his head and turned to look at Sha’re, confused by the zippers on her pants. He laughed slightly and walked over to her.

“Need some help?” he asked, reaching down.

She playfully slapped his hands.

“You, my husband, are better at taking off my pants than putting them on.”

“I’m willing to practice,” he said, sliding his hand around her waist and bringing her in closer for a kiss.

She allowed him a few seconds of their lips locked before pushing him away.

“Dan’iel, we will be late for our briefing with the General.”

“They’re all pretty used to me being late,” said Daniel, and then smirked. “They’ll have to get used to me being late for a different reason now.”

Sha’re shook her head at him and successfully zipped her pants. She picked up Shifu from his crib and he quieted once she was in her arms.

“Let us drop him off to Karen and then go.”

“All right,” said Daniel. He paused for a second and then held out his arms. “Let me carry him.”

Sha’re smiled brilliantly and handed Shifu over.

Daniel half expected Shifu to start crying again, but was pleasantly pleased, almost to the point of tears welling up, that Shifu nestled his head into Daniel’s neck.

“Your parenting begins well,” said Sha’re.

He shifted Shifu slightly and smiled down at Sha’re.

“Well, I’m just following your lead,” he said.

They had been doing this for a few days now, finding their way, figuring out not only how to live together on Earth, but how to live with an infant. Daniel was used to staying up way later than he should have and being on an SG team had given him much more strength and endurance than he’d ever had as an academic. He was finding out that that meant nothing against being a new parent. Shifu might have been a relatively well-behaved child according to Janet, but she didn’t sleep in the same room with him and Daniel was learning new meanings for the word sleep deprived.

Adjustment had been slow and Daniel had been frustrated by his own inability to bond with Shifu. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but something had been holding him back. He told himself he was simply giving Sha’re the time she had missed with her son, but he suspected there was more fear there than he wanted to admit. Asking to hold him was a big step for him. 

Maybe the fact that they had finally made a decision to remain on Earth was part of his newfound confidence. Daniel had held back saying anything, wanting Sha’re to have the freedom to choose. Their first night back he had returned from finishing his report to find her and Sam laughing on their bed. He had been very glad to see that, but was surprised when Sha’re told him before they went to sleep that she wanted to stay on Earth, glad but surprised. They had talked late into the night about possible plans, but had held off until the General called for them to say anything to anyone else. Daniel still thought Sha’re needed to see something more of Earth than the SGC to fully make up her mind.

Sha’re had told him that even were the Earth a barren wasteland filled with scorpions, it was her duty to stay there and help find Skaara, whereupon he had kissed her soundly. They had discussed what that could possibly mean and he had warned her that he had learned the hard way that being a part of the SGC might be the best means of finding Skaara, but it would likely not be any time soon and it would not be the SGC’s primary goal as it was theirs. But the decision was still firm in her mind and he agreed with it. 

There were still particulars to work out and he imagined a lot of those would be up to Hammond and Jack once they’d had time to hear what Daniel and Sha’re wanted. However, Daniel and Sha’re had come to a few decisions of their own. One was that they would need papers and documents drawn up for Sha’re and Shifu and Daniel wanted to be put as Shifu’s birth father on them. They would have to make the choice later on about what to tell Shifu about his parentage, but that would be a long long time from now. In the meantime, Daniel being Shifu’s father would not only solidify his affection for Shifu but would cement a relationship and provide protection for their son on Earth.

Since the SGC had done such things for both Cassie and Teal’c, Daniel wasn’t worried about getting it done, only about it being agreed upon by the powers that be.

“You are nervous,” Sha’re commented.

“Well, so are you,” he said.

“You are one of them, I am not,” she said.

“We’re each us,” said Daniel, not sure if that made sense, but it sounded good in his head.

Sha’re looked fondly at him. 

They continued to the briefing room once they dropped off Shifu and found the rest of SG1, along with General Hammond and Janet waiting for them. Daniel smiled with satisfaction that Maybourne was not there. He had hung around for a while, trying to get permission to speak with Sha’re and examine Shifu and do other dastardly things, no doubt. Hammond had finally gotten rid of him by giving him copies of their medical records, all the genetic material they had scraped together of the remains of Amaunet, and a promise that his department would have full access to any intel that Sha’re revealed about the Goa’uld. Daniel was still slightly uneasy that Maybourne would try to make trouble for them down the road, but that was pretty much a guarantee for everyone at the SGC.

“Welcome to the briefing, folks,” said Jack, raising an eyebrow.

“Jack, you know what it is to take care of an infant,” said Sha’re.

Jack inclined his head in acknowledgement. 

“We’re sorry to be late,” said Daniel, sitting down beside Sha’re.

“We’re all anxious to hear what you have to say,” said Hammond.

“We’d like to stay,” said Sha’re simply.

Smiles broke out around the table, even Teal’c looked as close to ecstatic as he could get.

“We hoped you would say that,” said Sam.

“Well, I did, too,” said Daniel. “Um, I know there are a lot of things to work out and how this affects security and all that, but we’d like to get started on it right away.”

“As it happens, Dr. Jackson,” said Hammond, “in anticipation and hope of your decision I’ve done some preliminary work on that very subject.” He opened the folder in front of his desk and brought out some papers, which he handed to Daniel. “The President agrees that Sha’re would be a valuable asset to Earth but there would have to be some restrictions.”

“I’m assuming she can’t go off base without an escort?” said Daniel.

Hammond shook his head.

“No, but I’ve put in a request that after a trial period of six months she be allowed to move with you off base since she’d be living with someone else. I’m not sure if it will be allowed since there will be long periods of time when you might be off world, assuming you’d like to remain on SG1…”

“Yes, I would like to stay with the SGC,” said Daniel. “We talked about it and think it’s our best way of finding Skaara. We don’t both want to be on a team since that would mean Shifu might be left alone, but I want to stay on SG1.”

“I would like to train though,” said Sha’re. “I can be a help to your teams and will gladly tell all I know of the Goa’uld and their strategies. I will beg your patience because it might not always be clear information, but I do hope it will be useful to you.”

“I will admit,” said Hammond, “that is the very pull that convinced the President to allow you the same freedoms and privileges afforded to Teal’c. Now, Teal’c has refused any kind of citizenship, what are your thoughts on the matter?”

Sha’re shot a confused look at Daniel and he quickly translated in Abydonian.

“We have not spoken of this except that I will need papers to show the world I am Dan’iel’s wife and Shifu is our son,” said Sha’re. “I do not mind pledging my allegiance to the Tau’ri.”

“We can work out the details later,” said Hammond. “In the meantime, Dr. Fraiser has cleared you to leave the base with an escort and we’ll start the other paperwork. Colonel, I’ll leave you to work out the logistics of your team schedule.”

“Sir,” said Jack.

“There is one other little thing,” said Daniel, leaning forward before Hammond could stand up. “We need to go back to Abydos first.”

“Why would that be, Dr. Jackson?” asked Hammond.

“My father was left to speak of my absence to Apophis,” said Sha’re. “I believe he will be able to convince Apophis that he had nothing to do with my leaving, but Apophis might take his revenge upon Abydos anyway. I must know if my family is safe.”

“I concur with their deductions,” said Teal’c. “I have known Apophis to wipe out villages for imagined slights.”

Daniel frowned, not wanting Sha’re to hear that, but he couldn’t deny Teal’c’s words.

“What of the safety of our people?” asked Hammond. “If the Goa’uld are simply waiting in ambush on the other side, I can’t condone the mission.”

“General, please,” started Daniel, but Teal’c held up a hand, interrupting him.

“General Hammond, there are safeguards that could be put in to place to ensure the safety of our team,” he said. “Send a MALP through for at least 24 hours to observe the area around the gate. If Apophis has men waiting they will likely hide when the chappa’ai ignites, but then become lax once time goes by. If the 24 hours passes with no sign we could then proceed.”

“And if Kasuf and the Abydonians are there then they’ll be able to give us a better sign of what’s happening,” said Daniel.

Hammond frowned and folded his hands. 

“I’ll have to consider the request, but it is noted. Mrs. Jackson, I will be setting up some meetings with you about how best to detail your knowledge of the Goa’uld, but in the meantime, I suggest you let your husband take you up top. I hear the sun’s setting soon.”

He smiled and stood up, leaving for his office.

“I think we’ve been dismissed,” said Jack.

Janet smiled and leaned across the table, handing Sha’re a key card and a badge. 

“These are for you, giving you access to all common areas on the base.”

“Thank you,” said Sha’re, handling them as though they were of great worth.

“I do suggest a sunset first though,” said Janet, winking.

Daniel smiled and stood up, pulling Sha’re with him.

“Come on,” he said eagerly. “I want to show you how beautiful it is.”

“The sun rises and sets every day, does it not?” said Sha’re, teasing.

“But this is your first here,” said Daniel, “and now you can see my world.”

“I will go with pleasure, my Dan’iel,” she said, kissing him deeply.

Daniel squirmed slightly and then gave it to it; after all, she’d been doing that to him ever since they’d been married. It was a bit more acceptable on Abydos, but if it meant she was here with him, he really didn’t mind her doing it on Earth as well. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy kissing her.

“Break it up, break it up,” said Jack. “Get out of here.”

“Have fun,” said Sam.

“Happy sunset watching,” said Teal’c with a straight face.

Daniel smiled at his team and pulled his wife through the door and toward the elevator. He practically bounced with energy as the doors opened and they walked outside, past the guards and the gates and came to the side of the mountain, grass and trees all around them, the distant hills glowing in the reddish orange light of the sun.

He watched Sha’re’s face as she took it all in and knew that this was the moment he’d been waiting for practically his entire life.

“Dan’iel,” she breathed and turned to smile at him.

“What do you think?” he asked.

She drew near to him, leaning her head against his shoulder and turned back to the sun.

“The sunsets are just as beautiful on Abydos,” she said and he couldn’t disagree with that. “But, Dan’iel, there is so much green and the air does not press against you. What a lovely world you have, husband.”

Daniel held her tightly and couldn’t agree more.

***

Sha’re shifted nervously in her familiar robes and wished that she did not have a gun strapped to her side. She had been schooled in its use for long hours by Jack and Sam, but she did not like it. However, no one was allowed off world without one and she needed to go along today because the President of the Tau’ri had finally allowed them to go to Abydos and make sure Sha’re’s world was not ravished by the Goa’uld.

It had taken some months before General Hammond could convince his leaders and Sha’re had heard Jack complaining that it was mostly Maybourne’s influence that was keeping the decision from being made but so far that was the only bad interaction Sha’re had had with the man since their first meeting. She was infinitely glad. Life was not entirely smooth being on Earth, but she was adapting more than she had thought she could.

After all, she had Daniel with her, translating or showing her whatever she needed to know. What he did not know to tell her, Sam and Janet did, and they were very forthcoming with advice and help. She was extremely fond of both of them and had finally had her girl’s night out a few nights before.

It was hard work training to be part of an SG team, though not being assigned to one. Figuring out Tau’ri customs and expectations was like walking through a collapsing mine shaft sometimes. She spent long hours being interrogated by SGC leaders on what she knew of the Goa’uld. Sometimes those sessions would trigger flashes of memories she did not want to remember and she had to stop or go crazy. Sometimes the people she was talking to did not always understand that and she’d had to learn to be very clear about needing to take breaks. Sometimes after a particularly hard session she would not be able to sleep at night. When that happened she would ask Daniel to hold her tightly and tell her things that had nothing to do with the Goa’uld.

Shifu also kept them awake and busy most of the time and when Sha’re was not exhausted from her past and exhausted from her studies, she was exhausted from being a parent. She did not mind this part so much, but she still craved rest and pure natural sleep more than she ever thought possible. Janet assured her such things were normal and that when Shifu got bigger his schedule would settle down, but sometimes Sha’re could not believe her.

Still, Sha’re found herself satisfied with her life and learned to enjoy things she had never known, things such as thunderstorms, ice cream, jeans, computers, and indoor plumbing. She enjoyed reconnecting with her husband, slowly telling him of her life with Amaunet and slowly learning about his life with the SGC. Some nights were more pleasurable than others, where she retraced the lines of his body and he relearned the lines of hers. But some nights were set apart for sorrow and one particular night had her learning of his experience with the Goa’uld Hathor and her remembering most acutely the night she had conceived Shifu with Apophis. They had held each other and cried and she did not regret knowing the truth but she felt anew the horror of her past and knew that she would need even more time to come to terms with what had happened to both of them.

But for now she was anxious to know of her family’s fate and she watched with satisfaction the ignition of the chappa’ai and listened carefully to Jack’s instructions as they walked forward. This was SG1’s first mission off world since they had gone to Cimmeria and Sha’re did not want to be in the way.

As she stepped through the ring and came to blink in the dim light there were many cries around her, the cries of her family and friends. Sha’re smiled joyously and saw her father among them as the swarm surrounded her with touches and hugs and tears and laughter.

“My father,” she said, nodding her head in respect and then hugging him tightly.

“Good father,” said Daniel, coming up beside her and also bowing.

“My children are home,” said Kasuf. “Come, we shall feast.”

They walked together out of the room and into the blinding Abydos sun. Sha’re felt the familiar warmth and smiled but she did not regret that this would be only a short visit.

“Tell us of Apophis,” said Daniel as they walked.

“He left in a great rage after he found you not,” said Kasuf. “He promised great retribution if we should tell any other Goa’uld of what had transpired. He has not been back since.”

“I imagine he will be watching Abydos more closely,” said Daniel.

“Indeed,” agreed Teal’c.

“But more for the return of some snake who took his kid and not us, right?” asked Jack.

“I think that most likely,” said Teal’c.

“We cannot know everything,” said Sha’re, “but this makes me hopeful.”

“Yes,” agreed Daniel.

They spoke long with Kasuf that night, along with all of her fellow Abydonians. Kasuf was most displeased at first to know they were not there to stay but when he learned of their desire to stay with the Tau’ri to find Skaara, he did not object. He only pledged her to be safe and she asked him the same, knowing more than he the precarious position Abydos was in, a free planet amidst a galaxy full of power mad Goa’uld.

Sha’re did not spend much time with Daniel or his team as she had many goodbyes to make. All her people were sworn to secrecy that she had been there and she delivered with gladness the rocking chairs she had brought for her family. The expression on her father’s face as he sat in it for the first time was a memory she would carry back with her. He was glad to receive that and the picture of Shifu she had brought him and begged him to keep his most secret possession.

Daniel also had goodbyes to make and some he made with her. They said goodbye to her father last.

“Good father, bury the gate,” said Daniel. “It will lessen the reach the Goa’uld have here. On this day every year you can uncover it and we will try to make contact if we can, but please promise me this protection for you and your people.”

“Good son, I will,” said Kasuf. “You have proven worthy of my daughter and my people once more.”

Daniel flushed with pleasure and Sha’re smiled, knowing how much any achievement, but especially this one, meant to him.

She was held tightly by her father.

“Goodbye, my father,” she said. “My love to you and to our family.”

“My love and good will go with you, my daughter,” he said. “Bring back my son and we shall feast once more.”

Sha’re could not help feeling sad as they walked away. Jack, Sam, and Teal’c had gone ahead of them to the chappa’ai to make ready their return. She and Daniel walked alone on the Abydos sands, hand in hand.

“This world will always be your home,” said Daniel, squeezing her hand. “It’s my home, too. You gave that to me.”

“As you gave me yours,” she said. “Are we not full of choices and options, my husband?”

“I guess we are,” he said.

“Thank you for not giving up on me,” she said. “You gave me freedom.”

“I wish I could take the credit for that,” said Daniel, “but you freed yourself.”

“We are both to blame,” she said, laughing. “The important part is being free.”

He laughed with her and suddenly stopped, pulling her close to him.

“As always, you are right,” he said.

“As always, so are you, my Dan’iel,” she replied and tangled her hands in his hair pulling him down to her.

He kissed her back and she rejoiced in the freedom of their connection and the fact that her husband’s tentative kisses were now bold and joyful as they should be between husband and wife.

“Let’s go home,” he said, finally breaking free and leaning his forehead against hers.

“I am ready,” said Sha’re.


End file.
